My diary, my life, my blog

圣诞节的感恩和感慨

2011-12-26T01:38:00.005+08:00

Hohoho!! Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas boys and girls...

这是我在圣诞节里最爱重复的一个句子，见到谁都会用这个来打招呼，就好像在农历新年里“每个人的嘴里，见面第一句话，就是恭喜恭喜..."

圣诞节，其实就是庆祝主耶稣的诞辰，是一个感恩的节庆，大人会送小孩礼物，或者大家互相交换礼物，就是意味着耶稣的诞生带给了世人这一个那么好的宗教信仰，那么和平的世界！这就是那份珍贵的礼物，所以送礼物和收到礼物的人都回报着这一份感恩的心去庆祝这个日子。

昨晚是平安夜，她回了家乡，我也很平安地在家里睡了一个晚上。圣诞节大早，我又要回到医院当班了，现在做的是急诊部门。

一到了紧急部(Yellow Zone)，看到有几个病人躺在床上，待前个晚上当班的同事把案子交待给我们早上的医生，才知道这些病人发生了什么事。。。
第一个病人，平安夜，喝了醉酒后，在酒吧的厕所晕倒撞伤了头，必须留在医院观察可能会发生的脑震荡，醒来后平安无事让他回家了。
第二个病人，平安夜，狂欢醉酒后，驾车遇上车祸，结果脑溢血(extradural bleeding)。
第三个病人，在Pavilion KL外，喝醉酒，被不明人士及不明原因被打，结果断脚和脑溢血。
第四个病人，是第三个病人的哥哥，也是被打，在同个地方，结果轻微脑震荡。
第五个病人，在云顶下山途中，因为下雨和地面滑，车子打滑撞上了路敦，车子半天吊在山崖，幸好病人没事，只有轻微脑震荡和视线变弱。

这些只是今早还存在的病人，还没听到非常紧急部(Resuscitation Zone)的故事呢？不知昨晚有多少人因为这些醉酒，闹事，殴打，车祸而死，或被救活，或被送去深切治疗室(ICU),或者那些只有少许问题而被送到我们的非紧急部(Green Zone)。但可以肯定的是我们的骨科和脑神经手术科医生昨晚真是有得忙了。

刚刚说的第二个病人，是一个二十二岁的华人男子，在醒来后还算意识清醒，可是当他起身要走去上厕所时，屁股尽然露了出来还不知道（因为病人有必要被脱光光以被检查，所以会被穿上病人袍，在后面绑线那种），当他回来后尽然把病人袍索性脱掉，剩下三角内裤躺在那晒灯光。好几次被我的上司劝告了后，才乖乖的盖上被单。

这是Yellow Zone，之前拍的照片，今天早上可没有那么清静哦！

笑话，丑态百出的一个晚上，马来西亚，或吉隆坡的人，你们到底把圣诞节当成了什么？为什么非要把一个平安夜搞到那么不平安和不安详？对你们来说这是圣诞夜还是灾难日？虽然本人不是基督徒，可是请你们用尊敬的方式去庆祝这个节庆，不要因为凑热闹而搞到大家都不开心！

要记住，这是silent night... holy night...

吉隆坡人啊！是时候反省了啦！

Merry Christmas!!希望这小小的礼物能带给吉隆坡人一些反省！

Come come donate blood

2011-10-24T13:17:00.005+08:00

My first experience in joining blood donation team, happened few days before Hari Raya, which was on 28 August, in this small tiny old Jusco Shopping Center at Taman Maluri!

the blood donation booth, located at the side entrance to the mall and next to the Vincci, but did not shop there, ahha!!

Because it was still a fasting month, so there were no many people taking parts in donating blood. Though it was a busy day screening over patients, we only managed to get 50 packs of blood back to the blood bank, due to not many Malay participating, but still there were some Malays that really impressed me that they still willing to donate blood in this Holy Month despite they were fasting.

Another reason for this not-so-good achievement was, we as a medical practitioner there had to defer a lot of people who were really enthusiastic in donating blood but in fact they were not qualified to, such as old age, taken antibiotics, not enough breakfast, feeling unwell, not enough sleep, history of sexual promiscuity etc...

Sadly to know the level of knowledge of blood and organ donation programme among Malaysian are still not that encouraging, and many of the regular donours still do not know the appropriate interval between blood donation (which is 2 to 3 months depending on center), hope the conditions will be improved days after days! I don't mind to become busy entertaining you all, if I have another chance following this blood donation team! Malaysia boleh!!

the blood bank staffs, together we "suck out" more blood!!

The letter to the head of Department of O&G HKL

2011-06-08T23:00:00.006+08:00

Dear boss,

It is my greatest honour to join O&G department of HKL. Many things that I didn't do or didn't know, now I have the chance to learn and perform it, eg: vaginal examinations, Pap smear, endometrial sampling, episiotomy etc. My only regret will be not being able to perform a Caesarean section or evacuation of retained product of conception (ERPOC).

Actually this is an enjoyable and exciting posting, we get to go through 4 different "sub-postings" ie labour room, PAC/Clinic, Obstetric ward and Gynaecology ward before ending the posting, therefore maximising our learning opportunities. Besides there were too many on-calls and tiredness, I really enjoyed the learning here.

My some constrctive criticisms about the psoting:

1. Blue scrub clothes are not allowed to be wore outside labour room and operating theatre (OT).

- although I understand this is a hospital policy, but I don't understand why we can't wear the blue scrub outside the labour room and operating theatre, to me as long as we keep it clean and change it whenever we enter OT, I think it shouldn't be a problem.

-blue scrub is a comfortable outfit when we are doing oncalls, so that we can avoid wearing white coat and become less heaty. I hope this can be allowed in wards or PAC during oncalls.

2. very senior staff nurses in labour room order us to work as if they are the boss.

- I don't mind if they are reasonable in doing so, but they order us to send some investigations which are not necessary (thus wasting money and time). eg: RBS and RP in patient tocolysed with nifedipien and contracting 1:10, I think it would only be appopriate if we KIV to convert to Bricanyl tocolysis.

3. the MO like to humiliate HO.

- some unfriendly MO like to scold houseman for small little matters eg: patient's name not written in capital letter in the consent form, the consent form is not completed (in areas of surgery's risks, benefits and by right the MO should fill up themselves.

- everybody is learning from the mistakes, and the problem should be solved by teaching but not by humiliating people, I wonder if the MO was so superb that he/she never done any mistakes or he/she was so knowledgable when he/she was a houseman.

- I think if the condition keep going on, I am scared if 1 day this particular houseman is on called with a particular MO he/she scared of, he/she wouldn't feel like to consult the MO because scared of being humiliated, and the housmean will make the decision him/herself in case of problems arised.

- although Dr. Noor Haliza (consultant) is well-known for scolding, I loved her scolding actually, because she scolded for reasons and she will teach after the scolding intended to impove us. I think myself improved a lot from her.

4. useless postnatal review in K5 and KK8 ( paeds ward)

- there is no proper documentation for mothers in K5 and KK8 for us to review.

- if the mother is just discharged from maternity wards and the baby is under paediatric, I think the mother's BHT should be in the paeds wardto review so that we know what are the antenatal, intrapartum and postnatal problems, to continue the care for 1 to 2 weeks postnatal.

- it is very difficult to trace back the old notes for mothers whose babbies get admitted few days after birth, the documentation for this group of mothers is very poor because no speicalfolder for them. (what more if the mother delievred at other hospitals??)

- to me, the mother can always come back to PAC/A&E if they have any problems after discharged.

After all these long winded complaints, I still got to leave O&G posting, I really want to thank the staffs in clinics/PAC/ward 3B/Gynae ward for being helpful and respecting us. The oncall foods are not too bad, I just hope that we can have an oncall pantry in the future so that we can go the have tea/bread/Milo whenever because we tend to skip meals especially working in clinics, labour room and PAC.

Thank you boss for reading my letter, really appreciate it. Hope my humble opinions can make some little changes in the future, not for myself or other houseman, I think it is better for the delivery of the health care.

Yours sincerely,

a leaving houseman

23/5/11

I hoped i have convinced him, not confused him! ahha!!

你以为我没听见吗

2011-04-09T15:58:00.002+08:00

2011年4月9日星期六晴

最不喜欢你变不开心了，每次都要我哄你！
最心疼你变不开心了，把工作压得自己那样！
你知道的，我不会说哄人的话，
每次都要把我考倒，
知道你因工作不开心了，
好吧今天就顺你的心一些！
不要每次都说我不让你吃！

“辣子板面真是好吃，辣到把不开心的事都辣出来了！”
知道你一定会很满意这一餐了吧？
虽然是很便宜的一餐。
“我知道你是最好的。。。”
“吓？”（我听不到）
“我知道你是最好的！”
“吓？”
虽然稍微大声了一点，可我还不过瘾。
“风吹走了咯。。。”
“吓？”
其实本意是“你说什么？！”
“风吹走了！”

你以为我没听见吗？^^

To some egoistic medical officers

2011-02-15T15:25:00.005+08:00

"What makes a difference between a medical officer and a house officer?? not knowledge, not the age, but TIME..." quoted from my paediatric consultant Dr. Irene.

Recently just shifted from paediatric posting to Obstetric and Gynaecology (O&G) posting. Whenever there is a change of posting, we will be treated as "freshie" in the new posting although we were used to be a quite senior and trusted one in the previous posting, and that's why "tagging".

For all new housemen in O&G HKL, we will have to carry a tagging log book with us so that we know how to perform some essential procedures and recognize emergencies in O&G. Thankfully to the training i had during medical school time by my beloved University of Malaya, I can finish my job quite easily. Then before off tagging, we have to go through another viva test from either medical officers or specialists. After a week of tagging, I came across this Dr. S (a MO) in my ward, so I asked her for the off tagging viva. She asked me regarding a "uterine rupture" case, this is a case i never met during student time or during this 1 week of tagging period, with logical thinking and basic knowledge that I have, I was able to answer some although it's been almost a year ago when I revised my O&G stuffs for my final MBBS examination, and tagging is just too tiring for revision. Later when I could not answer some other questions, she started became frustrated and did not pass me in this viva in the end, saying things like "stop giving me stupid answers..."

If she can put herself in my position, I would like to know how does she will feel when being humiliated like this. We are all still learning, from HO to MO even to the specialist, why these so called "seniors" like to humiliate their juniors like this?? They were HO before this, were they not as stupid as us when they first joined O&G? Even if they are so "experienced", they still give stupid answer to the consultant "post-operative patient who have paralytic ileus is due to electrolyte imbalance caused by anaesthetic agents..." what a joke seriously. If I do not know something after I learned about O&G in the 4 months period of O&G posting in medical school and 1 week period of tagging, so what have you learned, my MO, in your years of practising O&G?

Even if the MO are bosses to us, we are still working together, we are colleagues, why they have to act so bossy and say something directive to us??

I respect the seniority of MO and their knowledge or experience (only if they have), and I accept constructive criticism from the bosses, but please prove yourself that you are knowledgeable to scold people. And before you do so, please put yourself in others position, are you actually doing a right thing? Is it beneficial? To you? Or to the one you are going to hurt?

"I bother to teach just because when I am old, I am might be be treated by you, or my children or my grandchildren are going to be taught by you, so I must make sure the knowledge is passed on, there must be continuation!!" This is the last talk I got from her, my ex-specialist in paediatric, Dr. Farah during my last few days in paediatric, whom I thought she always made my life miserable. Thanks for telling me this, it makes me even more faithful in this route of becoming a medical academician.

"Please be humble to everything in this world, as we are human, human do make mistakes, and is learning from time to time..." a scenery from one of the window of Maternity Hospital KL building, taken during my paediatric posting when I was oncall for SCN (Special Care Nursery).

the price of a "chicken"-pox

2010-12-21T23:44:00.004+08:00

Chickenpox is caused by varicella zoster virus infection, a virus from the human herpes viruses group, sounds very medical isn't it? Every people says that every person will have at least once of contacting chicken pox in his/her life no matter how young or how old he/she is. After the primary infection, it can offer life long immunity until the immune system declines, then secondary infection will reactivate as "shingles".

I got this chickenpox at the age of 24, it happened last week, when I was working in SCN (Special Care Nursery- for premature babies and newborns). I was oncall on 8/12 and my fever started at night of 9/12, my post call day. My fever persisted until the next morning, considering that I was taking care of newborns which are susceptible to infection, I took a day off from works so that I won't spread my infection to them. In the evening, She noticed that I was having rash on my body and was confirmed to be chickenpox by a private general practitioner, actually went to him just for the seek of getting a MC for that day... ha! And lastly I got my MC for a week from outpatient department HKL, because I have to stay away from the babies!!

Went back hometown for a week. Rashes developed at whole body after 3 days of fever, felt so upset when I felt that my face became uneven with raised vesicles. My mother and sister kept telling me that these rash will disappear once recovered as they saw me looked sad, so caring right?? I also had bad sore throat and wisdom toothache, made me suffered to all kinds of food including water, some more mum said I have to stop eating some "toxic" food eg eggs, seafoods, black coloured food, green beans, bean sprouts... basically i really felt boring towards food on that few days la.

Chickenpox on face, felt so upset when my face was felt uneven with raised vesicles, felt so ugly that time...

All the fever and rash became settling approaching day 5 or 6 of fever, and I returned to work on day 11, which was on Sunday, when I was called to do the on call, when nobody willing to replace me for my weekend call.

Although my symptoms might not be as bad as what other people having (after shared by my MO, he even got varicella keratitis, vesicles inside the eyes and has got to be admitted to hospital), and my recovery was quite fast, I still have to pay for the loses I have for this "disaster":
1. I lost 8 days of leave because of MC, plus the 3 days off I took during my 4th sister's wedding, which mean I have to be extended for 3 days in this posting.
2. I suffered from it.
3. I have to lost around RM 100 to buy some beauty products so that the post-chickenpox marks on my face will be disappeared as soon as possible, and hopefully my skin will become better after using products as expensive as this!!!
4. I got a warning letter from my consultant for not telling the office that I was on medical leave, hello I have informed my houseman colleagues and I thought it was still be valid if I informed to the lady consultant via SMS.

What did I earn from this? I got special care from my mother especially for whatever she cooked for me for that few days, although I did not show interest towards those food, but I think those were the best food I could have during the illness, and I really appreciate it. Not to forget also my darling who has always been supportive to me to fight my illness. I love you all!!

Story in Internal Medicine

2010-10-16T15:31:00.008+08:00

Has been quite free for the past 2 weeks, ever since I joined Paediatric Institute, Kuala Lumpur Hospital (HKL), for my new and second posting as a houseman. At least for the past 2 weeks, i was able to enjoy my weekends at home, finished watching my favourite Hong Kong drama series, and restarted writing my diaries here.

I first started as a houseman in Medical posting of HKL, the 3rd largest hospital in Asia and the largest in South East Asia, where people call it a "mad house". Somemore I was in the busiest ward (ward 18) in HKL, another "mad house", which mean i was working in the "mad house of the mad house"! Accomodating 60 beds, and sometimes extension beds might add up to 100 beds in total in this single ward, with the fastest turn over rate of admissions and discharges, and working 7 days a week, it made me felt that my life was very measerable at times, i used to ask my nurses "kenape hidup ni susah ye??" (why is this life so difficult??), and they could never give me any answers, I even thought of quiting my medical life. Haha quite a stupid thought wasn't it?? Whatever it was, I went through it with all the blessings and hard works i had to give.

The day I studied for my viva in the ward, we have to pass this assessment before we could be freed from medical posting and proceed to the next posting.

relax la... have a narcistic shot first! haha... during this time I was taking care of the first class medical ward, so a bit free to do revision in the private empty room. Basically, the so-called first class in HKL with single rooms, double bedded rooms and 4 bedded rooms are equivalent to the "3rdd class" in UMMC.

night view in HKL, taken during 1 of the on calls... hoping the night will be calm and safe, staying alert, waiting the sunrise of the next day...

Thanks to everyone who helped me out when I faced difficulties,
thanks to those who forgive my mistakes and gave me a chance to prove myself that I never will repeat the same mistakes again,
thanks to those who really been sarcastic to me, so that I could improve myself better,
thanks to my patients who always have confidence in me,
thanks to my family that always understand that I was busy that I might not be calling them very often,
and also thanks to my darling who always understandable, caring, loving and do houseworks for me.

And now I left this troublesome medical posting with pride, continuing my journey in looking after children, picking up my confidence and competency every day...

小儿科啦。。。（广东）

无心害你

2010-10-09T17:03:00.005+08:00

终于把《溏心风暴之家好月圆》看完了！就好像把一件事做完一样，可以面对另外一些事情了！很开心，因为一个家庭终于可以得到属于他们的幸福，而说谎的人，最终可以面对自己，真正的去做人该做的事，真是一个大好结局呀!很佩服篇剧能把人心的善和美写得那么贴实，这些事就好像发生在我们身边的人一样，做人不得不防啊！

另外一样让我佩服的是菊姐唱的主题曲，《无心害你》。虽然说这首歌就好像在唱出殷红（超级坏蛋二奶，米雪的角色）的心声，可是歌词却投射了剧中的每一个人物。

开头四句，说明了再简单再幸福的一个家庭，都会免不了一些事情，会别离，再多么风光的的财富，都会有过去的一天，家庭的幸福是成员们建立起来的，就算没了Jo饱，荷妈和孩子们都是靠他们自己的努力守着这头家；相反殷红的所作所为，最终连他自己的女儿也无法忍受，落得了自食其果的下场，无常的人生，总需为自己的业障负责任。

最欣赏的一句歌词是“谁想讲骨气，最先必须有一些储备”，要讲骨气，要行正义的人，都必须要懂得做人的道理，身体力行，那样才可以以德服人，得到别人的认同，所以才会有荷妈这一个角色！

殷红耍心计，人人看了觉得可怕，因为她是用来害人的。其实，荷妈也在用心计，可是她是用来保护她的家人的，不然怎么能把殷红的招数见招拆招，一个女人顶了一头家那么多年呢？

。。。。“无非人生道理。。。原本无心害你”

Hardworking

2010-08-27T23:28:00.006+08:00

"I think you will become a specialist in 5 years time...." a patient said.

"why???"

"because you are so hardworking..." he replied.

"erm... uncle, hardworking doesn't mean i am smart enough to become a specialist..." I explained.

This was one of the most encouraging sentence I heard since started working, felt happy and funny at the same time because to me, hardworking doesn't equate success, but of course, hardworking does increase the chance of success exponentially.

What the patient observed did not really show that I am a hardworking guy, in fact, there are so many works a houseman have to do taking care of the patients, that's why, non stop working = hardworking, to them lo...

At least I felt my effort was appreciated by somebody else, that was really good enough to hear that, ahha!!

If only I can study the whole stacks of books, then that is the real hardworking to me... haha!!

Life before working

2010-06-17T21:19:00.008+08:00

So long didn't have any news of mine written here already, where have I been to ar?? After a long break in May, went to a endocrine conference in Ipoh to present my elective poster, got the chance to stay in the 4 stars rated hotel in Ipoh, Impiana Casuarina, for free... haha!!

My elective thyroid poster, my lecturer Dr. Vijay is like almost the same age as me haha...

Impiana Casuarina Hotel, didn't think of i would have chance to stay in it, cause Ipoh is quite near to my hometown.

Then, went for Ministry of Health Induction Course before we started working as a houseman in hospitals. Stay and enjoy the 3 stars hotel rooms and food for 1 week, again it's for free, some more we started to have our salary counted in already!! Yeah!

The view from the window of Putra Hotel KL, the KLCC.

fully-equipped double room^^

basically the Malay cuisine served in Putra Hotel, tasted not bad also la...

the farewell, strive for our own career...

Officially started working in the very beginning of June, went through a very hard life in my life, and still, I am going through it, felt so dis-hearted working as a houseman. Initially this would be a very sorrow diary, however, I choose to write it a more delightful way, because I choose to live this way, and not be affected by other people. The sad stories, perhaps I will share it next time??

Sorry

2010-05-05T00:05:00.005+08:00

一个孩子对一个妈妈的伤害能有多大呢？从怀孕的全身不适，呕吐，到生产时的痛，和产后带小孩的苦恼，到面对小孩的顽皮，脾气，还要日夜担心小孩温饱，和孩子在外头的学业，安危，工作顺利否。。。这一切都是每个妈妈都会经历过的“自然过程”，妈妈受的苦，又或许，妈妈默默地承受，永远没当作这些是苦。。。

或许有些妈妈乐在其中，忘了自己的感受，可是看在儿女的眼中，又是怎么一回事呢？有些人觉得这些都是妈妈应该做的事，有些人觉得是妈妈过度担心，有些人觉得妈妈既然过得很好，应该没事，再孝顺点的人，会觉得对妈妈心存感激，以后一定要以富贵荣华来回报父母，可是有多少人会觉得对父母感到抱歉，不是因为做错了事，而是因为上述所说到的“自然过程”？

今天才知道，妈妈以前怀孕的事情。伟大的妈妈，不只将我们六个兄弟姐妹养大，还经历了多次的妇产危机。听到妈妈描述当时的情况，不禁为她感到心酸和心痛，因为，那时的痛，我从课本，从我见过的病人身上见过，可以想象到。再加上所谓的“自然过程”，还要乘以六个孩子，用数学，也算不出这个infinity了！所以，一直以来，我都对爸爸妈妈深感歉意，孝顺他们，对他们好，自然不在话下，可是，我还能做什么呢？在我大学第三年那一年，写了我这一首歌《sorry》，在当年佛学会的《菩提之夜》，发表过了。。。

《Sorry》词曲：Wilbur L.

妈妈有多久没通电话？
你昨晚睡得好吗？
你的腰还很痛吗？

爸爸你还正在工作吗？
你还会很疲倦吗？
你还在担心我吗？

自从有了我们重了生活负担
后来我长大懂事了
我却不能时常陪你听你们训话

Daddy mummy I am sorry
I am always loving you
不知道该怎么说出口我心中的歉意（感激）

Because you're my daddy mummy
and I only have you two
感恩报答永远做不够
我的幸福你们一起分享

(Bridge) 无怨无悔地为我付出换来的是满头白发
不求我回报只求我幸福
父母恩重我该怎么报答

这些是我的想法，虽然歌词不怎么漂亮，但我觉得够直接，因为它是写给我爸妈看的，皆因他们没读很多的书，chorus选择用英文，是因为我比较含蓄，不敢直接说出我对他们的爱和歉意。有机会就upload上来分享下。

妈妈经历的“自然过程”，爸爸当然也会经历同样的东西，所以这首歌，是献给他们，还有更多的父母。我想，爸爸妈妈最终所要的，不是那些歉意，而是可以和自己的孩子分享成就，分享幸福。

听了妈妈说过的那些妇产危机后，虽然很心疼，但也很庆幸妈妈没有后遗症，还活得很健康，感恩这一切的福报，还有一切的众生，让我有机会修这些福报，回向给他们，甚至是更多的人！但愿爸爸妈妈每天都过得安康，顺心！也趁着即将来临的双亲节，祝愿天下的父母们，双亲节快乐！

Wilbur at home

2010-04-25T00:00:00.007+08:00

It's been my second week staying at home after I graduated as a doctor from University of Malaya, a dreamed moment when I was still sitting for my final MBBS examination, and now, it was realized, and has been over for more than half a month!! Woohoo~

The moment I received my temporary Certificate of Registration during Mini-Convocation on 8 April 2010.

And this is the reason I stay so calmly at home, while most of my course mates traveling overseas and locally as much as they could before we start to work like a "slave" in government hospitals in June later. At some points of time I was quite jealous that they can have playful experience with lovely course mates before the final farewell, but it is not so depressing when thinking that I am staying at home helping my mom with houseworks and also it is a time for me to understand family better, vice versa... before I again become separated from them and could hardly have chance to come back home as frequent as I used to.

Staying at home, I serve as a "baby-sitter" for 2 girls most of the time, while other time doing simple houseworks, helping my mom out. Sometimes feel very annoyed when the kids keep "kacau" (disturb) me but it is actually quite fun when listen to their laughter. But this elder niece, really been a headache for me, not listening to the adults' advise and acting without manner, haih... whatever it is, my dad says "she is still a kid what..." (she is 3 years 5 months old currently)

My 2 nieces on the right, the left one is the daughter of my cousin who visited my family today.

My cupboard after my cleaning... ;-)

My other favourite activities at home include watching television shows, reading newspaper for all day long and of course, having my mom's cooking! ahha! Life has been so simple and calm so that I need not to use my brain at all while doing all these activities, everything at home is so slow, my thought also become slow down, so that I can appreciate every single moment better. In fact Chinese people always say that the brain will become rust, haha don't worry I am not as "retarded" yet, just hoping that whatever medical knowledge that I revised and had been used all these years will still be retained after this not so long enjoyable period.

Suddenly flashback to the time I was pursuing for my undergraduate study, it was a huge contrast to what I am enjoying now. For the last 5 years, I had been living in a stressful period that I was very worrying about my study, although there were short periods when I could totally set myself free, the fears continue after that. Very often, I had palpitation, which is a symptom of anxiety, when the heart pumps forcefully. (when you are relaxing, normally you don't feel your heart beating, so you don't realize your heart beat until I tell you to feel it now, can you feel that??)

If I were given a choice to live this relaxing way at home without the worry of running out of money, I will NOT want to. Because to me, I need triggers or challenges, which keep me palpitating and pumping up more blood to my brain, so that I can always think rationally, making full use of my organ systems... See? This is also the reason why I chose this career. Looking forward to my work, meanwhile enjoying the moment with my family members!!

The heart in palpitation, a "fight" response that sustain our life and make us achieve better!!

It was my birthday

2010-04-18T00:09:00.005+08:00

on 17/4/2010
it was my first birthday after being entitled "doctor"
my darling has to work, even on this date,
me, staying at home, waiting to be posted,
currently working as a baby-sitter, looking after 2 girls,
gosh that was what i did on my birthday,
luckily i have my blog and my facebook,
receiving birthday wishes from all around the world,
and luckily, i still have my family to sing birthday song to me.
my simple wishes, hope they will come true!

My final MBBS long case

2010-03-29T22:35:00.006+08:00

I just finished my long case of my Final MBBS examination today, the toughest test among all the papers in this examination I would say. Long case is a test where the candidates are given 1 hour to clerk and examine the patient and do whatever necessary to come out with diagnosis and treatment plan for the patient.

HAPPY because I got quite a simple case, SAD because I fooled myself and I was so regret.

I got a paediatric bronchial asthma case, everything in the history was fine until I realized I forgot to ask simple but important pieces of information: the patient's school performance and his father's smoking status. These factors were important to assess the outcome of bronchial asthma to the patient's daily living and also factors that may trigger the asthma. When the professor asked me about this 2 questions, to make sure that I was not screwed because of my forgetfulness, I lied to her saying the answer that I presumed, as I thought she would not have the information from the short case notes she got. However, she turned to me asking "did u really ask?" I stunted, I knew I should no longer struggle with the answer that I presumed and I just kept quiet... She replied with "so you didn't ask, never mind..." and the discussion continued. Luckily, she seemed not to be disturbed to the lie I made.

I still remember 1 of the many reasons I chose this career. During the break after matriculation and before entering university, that was 2005, I worked part-time as a promoter of massage equipments at one of the famous shopping center in Bukit Bintang, Low Yat Plaza! My working experience was, I had to tell many lies and exaggerated the good points my products in order to push the sell so that I could earn more commission. I felt so annoyed towards the end as I felt I was cheating people to buy my products, and I think the same also goes to businessmen, as witnessed from many dramas. Therefore, I need a job which I only need to tell the truth, and I just thought of doctor.

When dealing with lives, we cannot lie, we can only tell the truth to the patient, "you just have 6 months time left", "sorry I don't how to treat your problem but I will refer you to the other specialist..." In my 5 years time as a medical student, I did not lie to my patients and my lecturers, however today, during my final MBBS examination, I lied because I was so stupid that I thought I could be escaped from being bombarded without thinking of the consequences.

I was so regret, I confessed in front of Buddha that I will not lie anymore in my career, because I am going to be a safe doctor, dealing with lives.

"So what is his school's performance?"

最后的战役

2010-03-26T14:39:00.002+08:00

这两个星期是我的考试周，昨天考了第三张试卷后，今天终算可以休息下，可是要继续温习，因为下星期还有更加困难的临床考试。

在我”细佬“的facebook里看到这个连接，是周杰伦的《最后的战役》，那时是考试前的那几天，大家都被三个星期的study week折磨到身心疲累了！这首歌，激起了大家的战斗心！一心一意要把这场考试干掉！！大家一起来当医生吧！！

《最后的战役》

作曲:周杰倫,  編曲:鍾興民
監製:周杰倫,  填詞:方文山

機槍掃射聲中我們尋找遮蔽的戰壕
兒時沙雕的城堡毀壞了重新蓋就好
可是你那件染血佈滿彈孔的軍外套
卻就連　禱告手都舉不好

在硝煙中想起冰棒汽水的味道
和那些無所事事一整個夏天的年少
我放下槍回憶去年一起畢業的學校
而眼淚　一直都忘記要掉

嘲笑的聲音在風中不斷被練習　這樹林間充滿了敵意
部隊棄守陣地你堅持要我也離去　我怎麼能放棄

我留著陪你　強忍著淚滴　有些事真的來不及　回不去
你臉在抽搐　就快沒力氣　家鄉事不准我再提
我留著陪你　最後的距離　是你的側臉　倒在我的懷裡
你慢慢睡去　我搖不醒你　淚水在戰壕裡　決了堤

这首歌说的是朋友之间的情谊，对朋友的不离不弃，一起为同一个目标前进。越靠近毕业的时候，就会越来越有一种要分离，伤心的感觉。其实只要想一想，就算今后我们毕业当了医生，被派到不同的医院工作，我们还是会有机会在一起，一起去上进修课程(continuous medical education)，一起去这同学的婚礼，一起去旅行，一起回来考Master。。。所以，不要以为我们的友情会随着这次毕业而结束，而我的祝福，也会一直围绕着你。所以，这个考试绝对不会是我们最后的战役，我们的结局，也不会像歌词中那么悲惨。。。

“有些事真的来不及，回不去”，所以事事都要及时把握好，包括我们的友情。看到每天都有人在Facebook写些祝大家考试及格的祝福，感恩大家都有同一股力量，我们的成绩，一定会因为有着这一股神奇的力量在保佑着我们的！（我们都好久没那么同声同气了！哈哈！）

一起为我们的那个目标前进吧！

年轻力量

2010-03-12T19:53:00.009+08:00

今天晚餐时间难得有机会和junior坐在一起，立刻就被其中一位问道曾经是否有为马大佛学会写歌，心里有点受宠若惊，毕竟过了那么多年，竟然还有junior知道我曾经做过的事，当年在台上表演的画面再次涌上脑海，把想读书的心情都丢到一旁了~~（我正在准备着我最后一次医学专业考试，要当医生看这次了！）

在马大佛学会，真的是一个非常让我受宠若惊的环境。在我大学第二年，刚加入马大佛学会这个大家庭的时候，我还是一个对佛学完全陌生的人，筹办了当年的第三届资料展，竟然让我全权负责戏剧，在我少少的创意加上佛学会师兄们的协助下，《妙缘》终于演出成功，希望能让当晚的观众们有多多少少的input啦！

学佛的机会不随着资料展的结束而停止，我对学佛更是越来越有信心，后来更因为她的邀请去增江带儿童佛学营。跟小孩们玩乐的同时，发现了在佛学的路上，我们需要年轻人来协助，以及将这美妙的佛法传到更多人的心中，让他们也能和我们一样，感受到这法喜！就像佛陀的经典，也是由比丘们一代一代地传下来。心想我能为佛教做的事情太少了，希望能写一首歌，写下我的想法，希望会有人能因为我做的这小小事，接引他们来学佛！就因为这样，我写了这首歌《年轻力量》。

《年轻力量》

听这些动人的音符
看那是我们在歌唱
年轻人不用再隐藏
用你的歌声一起歌颂佛法

唱出我们心中喜悦
跳出快乐动感舞步
一起来加入我们吧！
不让青春空留白
生命因佛法而充满光彩

一起来释放年轻的力量
将美妙法音唱给世界听
不管前面的浪涛声有多大
都阻挡不了我们心中的呐喊

来发扬年轻的力量
以美妙法音感动所有人
未来的路需要我们去承担
这佛法创造我们大家美好的将来

很简单的词和曲，竟然成了当晚《菩提之夜-风的讯息》的大合唱。唱着它，看着全场观众挥动他们的手，我都不管我唱得好不好听了，因为我相信，至少他们已经能感受到在台上唱着歌的歌手的法喜了！

隔了三年，依然还有人正在唱这首歌，心中当然安慰，希望这首歌能像法轮一样常转，传到每一个人的心中。回到话题的最初，为什么junior会突然问起呢？因为他们昨天才参加了马大佛学会三大活动的相见欢，有唱到这首歌！我心想，希望他们能有一个爱学习的心，年轻的心，三大甚至是其他活动都可以一代一代地传下去。而我，也是时候回到我的岗位，读书了！要准备毕业了！

年轻就是本钱！

junior们！要精进哦！

Pre-CNY shopping

2010-02-28T16:43:00.006+08:00

Happy Chap Goh Mei, the 15th day of Chinese New Year!! Though today is the last day for this Tiger New Year, the celebrations will still be going on as merry as any other day of Chinese New Year. This year, no much fun could be felt as I couldn't go back my hometown to have my mum's big meals, because I have to stay back in the university to study for my final MBBS examination. At least I still have her, and tonight we will be going to see people throwing and picking up mandarin orange in the pond (it's a chinese culture that those single people get to know other single people so that they may become couple, an event only happened during Chap Goh Mei).

Pre-CNY shopping is also an important step for the preparation of the CNY, as most people would want to have new clothes what so ever to have a NEW feeling during Chinese NEW Year. Although I don't like to spend money, I must make sure myself get some NEW stuffs before CNY. Shopping in Kuala Lumpur is one activity that I like to do, as the shopping centers created a NEW year environment and feeling that people would want to spend in joy. Lets recap the places that I went for my NEW stuffs!

My favourite "Prosperity God" at the entrance of Genting Starworld, First World Hotel.

Dragon and Phoenix (龙凤配) at the First World Hotel lobby, Genting Highlands. 31/1/10

Sungei Wang Plaza, "Spring time rhapsody", the place where we bought our clothes!

Pavillion KL, "Illuminate with prosperity and splendorous style", love the decorations so much!

Starhill Gallery, KL, also my favourite spot, but no money to shop there!! obviously... XD

Mid Valley Megamall

The Gardens Mall, Mid Valley City, quite colourful huh!

Ipoh Parade, went for a movie with my hometown friends during CNY, it had been more than 5 years the last time I stepped into this mall, a place where we shopped during high school.

元宵节快乐

2010-02-28T16:20:00.004+08:00

当一个单身人士在丢柑希望能找到另外一半的时候，
当两个情人在谈情说爱的时候，
当整个世界都充满着爱的氛围的时候，
不要忘记世界各地发生的灾难，
用我们的爱去关怀他们！
为他们祈祷，用我们的功德回向给他们！
中国情人节,元宵节快乐！

一名妇女坐在被地震摧毁的屋前等待着救援，惊魂未定。
--智利8.8级大地震，27/2/10

生病

2010-02-09T23:04:00.005+08:00

广东话有一句非常适合用来形容我们这一行的,“得闲死唔得闲病”，华语就是“得空死不得空病”。

昨天，突然间觉得后脑的部分很疼，突然间的发烧，还有发冷，虽然头也很晕，我第一件担心的就是万一中了骨痛热症我就完蛋了！到时可能要住院，那我就不能回家过年了！担心还担心，我还有事情等着我去做，我要去我的study group做讨论。忍着痛，忍着冷，忍着睡意，希望赶快把要讨论的东西快快讨论完。。。一个小时。。。两个小时。。。还是还没做完，（平时一次讨论是两个小时而已）我便提出说要暂停，改天再讨论，可是不被接纳，讨论继续了半个小时多，直到其中一个女同学说肚子饿要去吃夜宵，他们才甘愿暂停。而我的部分都还来不及要分享呢！唉。。。平时如果女生说一点不舒服，累，要准备第二天上课的东西的话我们就必须迁就她们而延后我们的讨论，这次难道他们都没有看到我真的很不舒服吗？？

没关系啦！凡事都要忍的啦！我的头痛也认了几个小时那么多了，回到房后，立刻睡觉，感觉好了许多，可使身体还是热热的！

今早醒来，头痛却没了，但还是有点眼睡和累，还是逼着自己去上课了！在病房里，拿了温度计来验验体温，才36.6度！就是没发烧咯，可能是待在冷气房太久了吧？上完课，已经是中午了，胃口不大好。看了报纸，继续去上课，在老师进讲堂之前睡了十多分钟，精神还蛮不错。上完课，去病房找病人问话，准备第二天的呈现(presentation)，办完一切的事情后，回到房间已是五点半了，这时突然觉得身体有发热了！赶紧去睡我的“午觉”，醒来后，头更昏了！去吃晚餐，看到今天的煎鱼真的是没有胃口，为生活还是吃下去吧！回到房间，觉得头痛又回来了，去跟朋友拿了两粒paracetamol吃，好了点，继续工作到现在。。。一整天，感觉肚子怪怪的，大便都是软软有点水似的。

应该不是骨痛热症啦！不然我就不能做那么多事情了！希望这场小病可以在我明天醒来的时候就可以完全好完啦！功课和事情还没有做完不能休息，目标还没达到不能停止，不到黄河心不死！

When a new life comes to the earth

2010-01-30T13:30:00.005+08:00

Another new posting for me, or i would better call it as the last ever posting for me, after coming back from Banting posting, and before my final MBBS examination, the Obstetric posting (or perhaps birth posting in layman term??)

Well, this is definitely not the most stressful posting but it is the most tiring posting as agreed by all coursemates who went through it, because of its on call system, each of us will have to stay in the labour ward and stay alert throughout the whole night to help in the deliveries of babies. Last Tuesday was my fist on call and my first ever night sleeping in the hospital... wait a minute, sleeping?? Yup I managed to sleep 2 hours before any patients got admitted and delivering, felt so thankful...

Delivering baby is a difficult process for most of the women I think, although I will never able to experience it, I could see it from their face. To me, women are gentle and sensitive people the way they are: they have lower pain threshold than men, but they have to bear the labour pain which is one of the most painful event as described in human: they have less strength than men, but they have to use their great strength of power to push the baby out... what a noble process that only the person who is called "mother" can do it!!

Looking at all these lively processes, all the doctors and nurses in the labour ward are just there to facilitate the delivery process, shouting together with the patient to tell her to push some more, and ensuring the mother and the baby are in safe condition at all time, thankfully... all the deliveries I saw and conducted that night were all safe.

The process from conception to birth is a difficult process, so as the process of bringing up the child, and the process of molding a person is the most difficult one. And I, still in the process of molding.

Again thanks to all the mothers who are willing to give us an opportunity to learn from you to be a better care-giver. :-)

A new year start at a new place

2010-01-09T14:09:00.005+08:00

Happy new year 2010!! It's been 1 year since i started my blog here! I was trying to blog here as soon as the new year started, however I was not able to online since the last few days of 2009, why was that so?? Since the last week of year 2009, I have been posted to a district hospital in Banting, Selangor, a town located about 1 hour drive from Kuala Lumpur, and hardly stable internet connection in Banting Hospital, that is the reason I had to delay my blogging...

Throughout the first 2 weeks in Banting, I find this is a town of relaxations, everything we did here so far were to release our tension from the coming final MBBS examination, we had foods of plenty of varieties, had long nap during afternoons, went to visit the local tourist spots, and even cook for ourselves. Meanwhile, it is also a period when we can "act" and make decisions like a doctor, before we graduate in about 2 months time. I was only being mistakenly called as "doctor" by the patients prior to this, but here, even the nurses and medical assistants called me as "doctor" or "boss", although I am younger than them, what a nice experience! Haha!

Coming back to reality, this will also be the period when I will have to do revision of different subjects for my final MBBS examination, hope I will be able to utilize this golden opportunity to learn to the fullest during this short but meaningful little postings! Cheers!

MBBS Phase IIIB Group 6 session 2008/2010, with the director of Banting Hospital.

The administrative center of Banting Hospital, during sunset, taken at my hostel's window!

The same view, during raining.

The common living room for medical students only!!

Special recommendation: Cendol pulut behind The Store Banting! yummy...

Christmas in Kuala Lumpur

2009-12-25T09:53:00.009+08:00

Merry Christmas boys and girls!!!
December is a month of joy and love, and also a month for gathering...
The girls gather to go shopping, because the Year End Sale (YES) is everywhere in Malaysian shopping centers....
Family members gather together, because almost every friday in December is public holiday, Selangor's Sultan's birthday, Awal Muharam, Christmas and also the coming New Year 2010....
Friends gather together, for a short distance trip or foods, cuti-cuti Malaysia....
and the couples also gather together, as they always do.... ahha!

Still able to walk around major shopping centers nearby Kuala Lumpur, before my Orthopaedic (bone specialist) end of posting test, trying to add some shirts to my collections and also hers, before the sales end. Finished my test yesterday, went to 1 Utama trying to watch Avatar 3D but couldn't get tickets, sigh... and this was how I celebrate my Christmas eve.... haha! Quite stupid isn't?

Now I should bring you to walk around those shopping centers I have been to and enjoyed their Christmas decorations!

1) Sungei Wang Plaza, the stage looks not bad, got "POWER RANGERS JUNGLE FURY CHRISTMAS SHOWDOWN" nearby also!! used to be my favourite!

2) Berjaya Times Square, themed "Santa's Snowy Cottage", below the magnificent christmas trees are little gift shops selling present for you and your friends!

3) Pavilion KL, as it always been famous for, the "Royale Christmas 2009" had the most luxurious decorations I've ever seen!!

4) Starhill Gallery, simple decorations but still very gorgeous and arrogant. It was happened that I managed to see the cat walk show of "The Journey through Time III", the Asia's largest luxury watch and jewellery showcase, watched a musical drama at the same place also!

5) Sunway Pyramid, "Magnifique Christmas" is actually a French themed decorations! What a new experience...

Gigantic Stitch and beer bottles-built Christmas tree outside Sunway Pyramid

6) The Curve, "Bedazzled Christmas", the decorations and little angles that I loved the most, makes The Curve so pretty!! "Bedazzle" actually means to cause someone to lose clear vision, especially from intense light, what is the link between this and Christmas?? hmm...

The Walk @ The Curve, still filled with festival's mood... by the way, it was her birthday night! Happy birthday my dear...

7) Ikano Power Center, "Underwater Christmas", brand new theme and quite creative I would say, but mostly for children to enjoy... not as beautiful as last year's decorations.

8) outside e@Curve (previously known as Cineleisure Damansara), lucky we went there at night, the lighting was amazing!!

9) Tropicana City Mall, "Sparkling Christmas", the simplest decorations among all... some more it was quite quiet during weekdays...

10) "Glad Tiding We Bring" at The Gardens Mall, another luxurious experience!

11) Mid Valley Megamall, "Magical Christmas", the candles were floating around the castle... wow!

12) Last but not least, "A white lyrical Christmas" at 1 Utama, always been my favourite! Note the giant music box on the stage.

男孩与他的朋友

2009-12-17T22:35:00.003+08:00

有一个男孩，因为小时候看得戏多，以为每个人都可以找到最好的友谊，即所谓的“称兄道弟”，有什么事情都有那兄弟出来帮忙解决，无所不谈。当然他也明白感情或友谊是建立在两个人的身上，所以双方都要付出，感情才会建立起来，因此，他都会全心全意付出诚意地对待某某人，如果那个人是可靠的。

生命中进进出出那么多人，男孩找到了一些他觉得可靠的人，希望他可以把自己当成兄弟，所以他就会尽全力的和那人维持关系，也希望他们的友谊永固。虽然没有拥有完全相近的嗜好，但至少希望可以和这个朋友分享与分担开心与不开心的事。希望有这个朋友愿意为自己的生日动动脑筋，帮自己庆祝生日。

渐渐的，相聚的日子越来越少了，每个人都要为了自己的理想而需要离开曾经一起相聚的地方，以后的日子虽然不能时常在一起了，可是男孩依然希望他们的友谊不会因分离而不被继续，希望时不时的电话和短讯，能够让朋友感到自己的关怀，让大家再约出来聚一聚，感情不散。

到头来男孩发现，原来他找到的那些人都不能像自己想象中那样，可以做最好的朋友。其中一人还说，原来当时他们可以那么好，是因为在班上坐在一起。男孩失望，因为他的诚意，换来的是肤浅的对待，他想，以后不能再那么容易让自己失望了，要带眼识人。

深沉的想一想，其实每个人都有自己生活的方式，最要好的那两个人，也不可能将所有的东西都付出来，就算是两夫妻都还有自己的生活空间，不对吗？男孩一向明白这个道理，从来没有要求太多，只是希望自己在需要的时候，对方能够及时伸于援手，明白自己的困难。他也知道，不能对某某人有太大的期望(expectation)，因为期望越高，伤害愈重，所以呢"when you expect nothing, then everything will be gift！"友谊也不应该有那么多期望与条件的；如果每个人都那么单纯的话，那世界会很美好！

Love changes everything

2009-12-05T22:21:00.006+08:00

by Michael Ball

Love, love changes everything
Hands and faces, earth and sky
Love, love changes everything
How you live and how you die
Love, can make the summer fly
Or a night seem like a lifetime
Yes love, love changes everything
Now I tremble at your name
Nothing in the world will ever be the same

Love, love changes everything
Days are longer, words mean more
Love, love changes everything
Pain is deeper than before
Love will turn your world around
And that world will last forever
Yes love, love changes everything
Brings you glory, brings you shame
Nothing in the world will ever be the same

Off into the world we go
Planning futures, shaping years
Love comes in and suddenly all our wisdom disappears
Love makes fools of everyone
All the rules we made are broken
Yes love, love changes everyone
Live or perish in its flame
Love will never never let you be the same
Love will never never let you be the same

Newly learned song, share it here so that everyone can take care of his or her love and feeling, to live and to love with rationalism, and to appreciate the double blinded love relationship... so complicated right?? ahha!!

美罗，我们的家！

2009-11-30T22:54:00.007+08:00

这一个我们曾经朝夕相对的地方
岁月，学业和工作逼使我们不得不离开这个安乐窝
什么时候有回来？让我们再聚一聚？

美罗大石山，已经没人去了，可是依然那么美！美罗真是山明水秀啊！

感恩我们依然在一起！

照片框住了当时的笑容，成了永恒的回忆！何时还要再回味？

Famous eve of the morning's Curry wantan mee

2009-11-20T18:04:00.006+08:00

Once in while, we might do something crazily to make our life a little bit "different" despite a routine life we are having.

Last Saturday morning, I woke up at 5am just to purposely joined my friend to this famous curry wantan mee that have been having good reviews from many of my coursemates and other people. Reached there half an hour later, it was not too far from my campus, just that somebody woke up late and therefore we all had to wait for him.

When we reached there, the famous curry wantan mee was sold off!! Left over with meehun, mee, and kuey teow. We could not leave our stomach empty anyway, thus I ordered curry meehun to satisfy my stomach. Although the look of the curry meehun was not striking, but what was more attracting was the smell coming out from the little bowl and the pot full of curry at the stalls!! The tasty smell of the curry spices of the curry soup was also very different from the other curry soup that I tasted before, probably due to less coconut milk I think. The curry tasted so original and so tasty, yet not so spicy, really suitable for traditional chinese people like me, who can't bear spicy so much! ahha!

Looks spicy but not so spicy actually... with many ingredients in it: tauhu pok, minced pork, fish balls, and tauge.

thanks to Chuan Huan for taking me there and took this picture for me...

There also sell other types of soup such as "qing tang" and "gan lau" with combination of different noodles... KL style lar... Served with 2 sizes: large RM 4.20 and small RM3.80.

Interviewed the boss there why she wanted to operate her stall at such time when most people are asleep, she said this is the tradition inherited from her father and they have been selling this curry wantan mee more than 40 years, used to have a shop to sell their noodles but did not know how they ended up here. And she starts her business at 4am soon after she moves all the things to the place.

After coming back, few coursemates went there earlier at 3.30am and one said there had been lots of people queuing up before the stall was set up completely, waiting for the curry wantan mee... that's why lar it was finished when we reached at 5.30am... wow!! Wonder why so many people craving for this mee...

How to get there?? It's near Seapark PJ and the most apparent landmark is Maybank, once you get to Maybank the there will be few stalls in the middle of Jalan 21/22. Reminder, it is not opened on Sunday's morning!

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Can't be too grandiose

2009-10-28T23:42:00.007+08:00

So long haven't been feeling depressed after finished examination. Today I just finished my psychiatric video test, hence my psychiatry posting is officially over. Whenever examination is over, normally people will respond it with a cheerful feeling because another examination is over, so do I, however, this time I really couldn't enjoy the cheerfulness, because I was so depressed.

Accoding to my coursemates who did psychiatric before, this is an easy subject and patients are easily manageable, and the examinations questions were always expected and very easy to answer, most importantly, many people could score A from this examination. I trust in it, as I also think this is not a though subject, and I expected myself to score A also, so long did not score A in any tests, as I am an average student.

After the written and the video tests, my mood dropped down so drastically, I even lost my temper (mildly), why they can asked so difficult questions and tricked us in the questions?? And for the video test, the patient was mumbling all over saying Malay that I could hardly understand, even my Malay colleagues also found it difficult to listen what she spoke. And she did not show signs of that particular diagnosis, which was mania. At the end, I diagnosed wrongly, and many of my friends did mention that it was again a though one and had different ideas about the diagnosis. Whatever it is, I had done my best and on few occasions, I was still blaming myself for not doing it as good as others who could diagnose it correctly.

I think I will no longer get A for this examination, will be very grateful if I can pass. I was so depressed, my mission was failed. Went out with her and 1 of my best friend, Min Min, and shared my sadness with them. Suddenly Min Min said "maybe you expected too much?" （你把目标放得太高了吧？）suddenly, I realized, it was me made myself suffered so much, I shouldn't compared myself to others who usually did well in all sorts of examinations, I can't be too grandiose! (grandiosity= inflated self esteem) When thinking from the other aspects, I did not put more efforts than usual to enable myself to score A, I just got prepared as little as I prepared for the other previous examinations. Do I deserve an A if I did not put enough in it?? I shouldn't have so stubborn （执着）, I should understand my level and if I wanted to achieve something, I should have planned better and even put more effort in it.

Thanks to her and Min Min. Hope my experience will not drag into next time and this can serve as a guidance for you in facing your similar problems. Sometimes people just can't be too grandiose, if not, you will suffer like a patient with bipolar mania!

It's not a pleasant Friday night

2009-10-24T00:00:00.003+08:00

All these while i have been recording the pleasant or satisfactory moments in my life, but today, I am writing something quite usual, but the internal feeling is totally different.

Friday is my second favourite day in a week, after Saturday. Whenever it comes to Friday, no matter how much works I have on this day, I will have full of energy to finish them up quickly so that I can enjoy the pleasant night of Friday, waiting for the better Saturday.

It's all because of my incompetency, something should have done earlier, but I kept dragging it to the very last minute, and that's why I am suffering right now.

This is my second last week of my psychiatry posting, next Monday will be my end of posting test, not so worry about it as many coursemates who went through it said it is quite easy to score. Fine lets just believe what they say and I think I have quite good basic knowledge in this subject, hmm... shouldn't be a problem. Another matter is the 5 cases write up for the end of posting assessment, I just have submitted 1. Although I have already got cases to write on, but it took me 2 to 3 days to finish writing 1 case, as I was so distracted in writing the cases. While writing, I have to recall the story told by the patient, then started got into their story and analyzed what was actually happened to them, it was very very time and energy consuming.

Tonight, after my discussion with my study-group-mates, I came back again looking at this laptop, so stressed up and I have only 1 intention, which is to finish my works as quickly as possible!! Therefore no more enjoyment, unlike other Friday nights I usually have, that's why it's not a pleasant Friday night.

This morning, I went to 6th National Addiction Conference at Legend Hotel, learned something extra that we won't study ourselves, served with good foods, I felt so thankful, to my tutor who brought me there. However, this did not raise my interest towards psychiatry...

在大学最后一年的中秋节

2009-10-16T00:25:00.008+08:00

哈哈！又是中秋节的题材，可是激发我写的，是一班年轻有活力的第一年学弟学妹。。。在大学过了五年的中秋，今年可算是令我最感动的一次。

大学第一年，我们在没有准证但又不能很开放的方式下，跟我们的学长学姐们过了我们在大学的第一个中秋，因为缺乏周详计划，场面有些失控，可是大家都还是很庆兴的！
大学第二年，忘记了。。。没印象。。。
大学第三年，在巴生，同学们在宿舍的羽球场搞中秋,可是我回家了。。。
大学第四年，学弟学妹们终于把中秋节办成是宿舍的主要活动了！可以堂堂正正的在宿舍过中秋，玩灯笼，吃月饼了！另一边厢，我也当了马大灯笼节舞台剧《渔梦中伤爱》的演员。
大学第五年，我被感动了，也许这也是我最后一年在大学过中秋吧？

今年的主题：秋月圆，人聚圆，好诗情画意呢！

今天，特地早一点点下去看有什么样的展览，办得蛮不错一下，有灯谜（英文的）之外，还有可以玩的游戏。节目开始后，还有很好笑的multimedia presentation，因为是用漫画的方式来呈现玉兔和嫦娥的故事，好笑是因为配音很白痴！哈哈！表演方面有很有默契的西方大提琴配华人的箫和二胡演奏，改篇后的《月亮代表我的心》依然那么动听。此外，还有很无厘头的搞笑剧，男扮女装的学弟们简直恶心得让人想吐饭！最后，还有跳得蛮劲爆的传统和现代舞，经过这一晚后，简直会对某些学弟学妹们刮目相看！表演完后，我们还有提灯笼游宿舍，这可是我第一次在大学里提灯笼哦！过后，我们还有月饼和零食吃哦！

很搞笑的戏（喜）剧，虽然很无厘头，但依然欣赏他们的创意！Junior们，棒！

看到他们在台上创意的演出，不禁回想起以前在台上那种爱炫和贪玩的自己，时间过得那么快，转眼间我已变成台下看演出的人，还要注意自己的举止，毕竟总不能像第一年那么狂欢吧？回想起以前办活动的点点滴滴，开心的，心酸的，累的，都是那么值得感动。年轻人，总要经过这样的过程，才会长大吧？在不超过六个月的时间，我就要离开这个大学了，希望我们华人在马大医学系留下来的好传统得以继续延续下去，直到永久。。。加油吧！马大医学系！

大炮车与中秋节

2009-10-09T23:58:00.007+08:00

上个星期六的中秋节，回了家跟家人庆祝，全家人都到了，只剩二姐她回夫家去，都算各有各的团圆啦！很离奇的，今年我新村的马华支会办了一个简单但内容丰富中秋庆祝会，有猜灯谜啦，灯笼和大炮车（坦克车）制作比赛！

节目开始的时候，猜灯谜那儿的次序虽然乱了点，但还好我依然猜到一个，挽回点面子。。。是这样的：“引人入胜”，猜一个职业。要猜的话就不要酱快往下看。。。答案揭晓咯。。。！

答案是。。。导游，容易吧？哈哈！还有一个很有意思的灯谜：“春雨绵绵郎未归”，猜一个字。想一想，答案要揭晓咯。。。！

是“一”。为什么呢？“春雨绵绵”就是春天里的太阳（日）不见了，所以剩下“春字的上半部”，“郎未归”就是“丈夫”不在，所以就剩下“一”咯！厉害吧？

讲到大炮车制作，其实这个是五十年代非常盛行的游戏，因为当时没有钱买灯笼，所以住在新村的人都到芭场去砍些像竹的材来建成大炮车，造就了很多会做大炮车的好手！当然，我爸就是一个！在我还是小学的时候，我爸曾经做过一个大炮车，给我哥，而我就有一个用Milo罐做成的“转转灯笼”。当这两个不同凡响的灯笼走在街上时，隆隆的吵声很自然地吸引了在其他小孩的目光！在他们的眼中，只有羡慕的份，而我们俩兄弟就很威风了！哈哈！制作大炮车的过程虽然不难，但需要的是创意和经验。这次老爸做大炮车，三两天就做好了，我都没有机会帮忙，只是帮忙装饰一下大炮车啦，当然也是依照老爸的意识去做。制成品，非常的好看！虽然小了点，但也拿到第二名哦！老爸厉害！

老爸制成的大炮车，帅吧？还有国旗哦！

传统的大炮车是可以把蜡烛点在里面的！

回途中，到了大姑家一趟，当时她正在拜月亮，家里附近挂满了灯笼，还有小孩玩乐的笑声。妈妈也有很多年没拜月亮了！想起以前的中秋的夜晚，我们兄弟姐妹总会把家里点得像个生日蛋糕，因为到处都是蜡烛和灯笼，（当然安全哦！）那么漂亮的晚上也是一年才一次，当然要尽兴的玩啦！随着一个一个因为长大而离开家园，那种从很多人一起玩到没人玩的中秋夜只有我最清楚了！现在唯有寄望小孩们能够一样感受到我们以前庆中秋的喜悦啦!

大姑拜月亮的枱上摆了许多拜月亮的必须祭品，枱下却有那么多灯笼！漂亮哦！

My Raya vacations

2009-09-30T00:08:00.006+08:00

If you want to ask how busy a final year medical student can be, I think I will answer it's busy, but it's still tolerable, in my subjective way of thinking. However if we think objectively, I can tell that final year medical students only have 2 weeks duration of break for the whole 1 and a half year study, now you see how packed and tiring it is? 1 week for Hari Raya Aidilfitri and the other for Chinese New Year.

During this 1 week break, many of my coursemates went overseas, 1 group went to Bali Island, Indonesia and the other to Angkor Wat, Cambodia. Whereas for me, I chose to stay in Malaysia for spending my time with my family and her family. Both of us went to Johor Bahru from KL immediately after working.

In JB, we went to visit plenty of tourist spots...

During our bus journey to JB, we had a short supper break at the Yong Peng rest station.

at the seaside near the Singapore-Johor Causeway.

Sultan Abu Bakar Muzeum, not opened during Hari Raya...

an antique building within the compound of Sultan Abu Bakar Muzeum, few couples were shooting their wedding photos there.

JB clock tower and delicious Skudai duck feast.

JB Old Temple- of traditional vs modernization.

Malay houses at Danga Bay. (actually these are restaurants, but were closed during Raya festival)

sunset at seaside of Danga Bay.

After 3 days of short stay in JB, I followed again her family members went back to her hometown in Penang. There we also visited many places.

Penang Ferry experience, enjoyed the breeze!

Manhattan Beach at Ferringhi, Penang.

Siamese Lying Buddha Temple.

Burmese Buddhist Temple.

Botanical Garden.

Kek Lok Si Tenple

Bukit Genting Siamese cuisine, the "little Genting in Penang", ordinary food but breath-taking scenery!

As I am graduating very soon and surely there will be no much of break like this, so I always cherish the chance I have with my family and also her family, of course she also. Although I spent nearly the whole week with her family, I managed to be with my family at the last 2 days of my break, when they came to KL.

Really want to thank her for giving me such a memorable and enjoyable vacation.

1+1+1

2009-09-18T11:07:00.015+08:00

Maybe you will wonder, what is the meaning behind this 1+1+1? A simple mathematical equation. Let's look at the following short film and hopefully you will get a little bit of idea from it.

It's true, in all sorts of society, we tend to group ourselves into groups, according to race, sex, interest etc, which are the most apparent things we can observe in almost everything we go through. Even within the same race, we also tend to group ourselves into smaller groups, with the people you feel good and share the same interest or opinions. Even with the same small groups of people, and you are so close to each other, you won't share the same thinking or the most valuable things all the time. Why is it so? Have you ever think of that?

Human, has to live in society, or in other words, we are not isolated. Even if we don't share the same culture, religion, beliefs, opinions and interests, we should not isolate each other, there is something called "sharing". Sharing is a very powerful item I think, as it creates understanding, and hoping that it in turn causes acceptance and appreciation.

Coming back to what is happening in Malaysia, the above shown is the situation we observe. Not only among the younger generations, it is even more severe in older generations, as they went through those hard time, and yet the racial problems is still carried on till now, with little or no improvements.

In the movie, 3 main characters representing 3 major ethnics in Malaysia, they go through the same things from the moment they wake up, having breakfast at dining hall, chatting over the same topics, and also shout in pain when their blood is taken, but what makes them so different from each other? Is that only the language? We can neither blame cultures nor religions, as they are heritages and should be preserved at all times, but what actually makes people so appart from each other? As I discussed above, probably there are lacking of sharing and understanding. When people forgot how to share, they never understand and tend to forget the importance of the existance of the other races and subsequently inequalities happened. Initially, I intended to bring out an issue of "we go through the same things, but what makes us so different?" One of the example of which would be the pre-university examinations. There are 3 pre-U examinations that I know of which are STPM, Matriculation and PASSUM. Although all 3 lead to the same local public universities, but the durations of study and its examination's difficulty are varied. We lead to a common destination, but why the paths are different? And "who", "how" and "what" make us so different? It's time for you to think.

Despite realizing the actual problems I portrayed- "seggregation", the more important step to do is to overcome it. Who should be responsible in making the change? It's us all, MALAYSIANS! We hope for change, understanding, equalities and peace, only with this we can bring harmony and productivity to this country, and therefore a developed nation.

How you can pronounce "1+1+1"? Either "yi jia yi jia yi", "satu tambah satu tambah satu", "one plus one plus one" or any other languages you know of. Special thanks to Andrew Mok who helped me with the ideas to improve Malaysia, and also Chuan Huan who helped me a lot in the post-production of the film.

Thank you for your view, together we might change Malaysia.

Lost in Klang Valley

2009-09-06T11:47:00.010+08:00

Had a dinner with my sisters at 10pm yesterday at Look Out Point, Ampang, a place where you can enjoy the night view of Kuala Lumpur. Why having dinner at 10pm?? Hmm... some technical problems, let me explain...

Actually the date was at 7.45pm, my dear and I left for the destination from PJ at 7.40pm, because earlier we had jogging and we had to dress up ourselves for the date. Estimating reaching time will be in about 20 minutes, we rushed there with all the strength of the little "Kancil", luckily the road was not jam.

Honestly, we just been there once before this, and we were going there based on Google maps, our memory and a little bit of direction sense over there. We reached Cheras 10 minutes later at a round about and I struggle with which way to take as there were 2 options:
1. the previous memory told me to take around the streets in the gardens of Cheras.
2. Google maps and a friends I consulted earlier on told me to follow Kajang so that I can go there via Hulu Langat, an opposite direction from what I learned before.

In order not to mess up within Cheras, I took the second option and went down to Hulu Langat. Once reached there, I was totally not familiar with that place and no sign boards showing the direction to our destination. Went off the car to ask local people for help, few fellows directed me back to Ampang as there were sign boards showing the ways. OK I assumed there were no such road from Hulu Langat and followed their advise to Ampang. That time was 8.30pm.

Following the directions they told me, I came back back to the round about earlier on, this time I decided to take the 1st option and I went inside Cheras, the streets were really a mess and I gave up, go to Ampang lar...

Along the MRR2, I met Pandan Indah, a place where I thought was a entry to Look Out point, then I went into this garden, again it did not recall any of my memory and I knew I was at a wrong place. Went down the car again to ask for help, but the people there did not know the existence of such place, fine I called my brother-in-law for help, as they already reached that place from their home at Setapak, that time was 9.30pm. He directed me to Ampang Point and follow along Jalan Ampang. And to be on the safe side, I followed his advise although I knew it was going to be a very long way.

After several phone calls and a little lost at Jalan Ampang, finally I reached the place, at 10pm, and they were finishing their meals... I ordered ours and started taking some photos. About 1 half hour later, we end our date with joys and jokes and of course sweet memories. Special thanks to my 3rd sister, as she treated the meal!

finally could enjoy the fascinating night view of Kuala Lumpur...

starving... eat first!!!

from left to right: my 2nd sister, 3rd sister and 4th sister.

On the way back, we decided to go back PJ with our very 1st experience. Without much of lost, and one time of going down of the car to ask for direction from a policeman, we managed to reached PJ 1 hour later. This time, we really learned the way going to Look Out Point in a short distance.

Amazing right? Despite all the failures and anxious, I still managed to reach the place without much anger, and I never thought of giving up going there, as she told me it was such a rare chance we can have dinner with my family in KL especially my 3rd sister who just going to stay in Malaysia for 2 months after coming back from UK.

Well, sometimes I am quite admiring myself for the capacity I have. Now left few questions I had to answer although I don't know the answers.
1. Am I too stubborn? Once I decided to go, I never give up in looking for the way, ended up we having dinner so late and she had to drink milk in order to stop her gastritis, pity her.
2. My glucose store was actually quite sufficient huh?? Or I was in a very high sympathetic discharge state? As I could not feel any hunger? But I knew I was very thirsty.
3. How can I not remember the way going there? Although I was initially very confident to go there by own memory in a short time, towards the end I found that confidence sometimes disastrous.
4. I learned 3 different ways of going Look Out Point in a night, didn't I? And I went almost 1/5 of Klang Valley in 2 hours!! Which is equivalent to the time I can travel back my hometown, Bidor.
5. I used up half of the tank of the petrol... what a waste... haih...

the restaurant- Look Out Point!

self taken... before leaving.

A mind relaxing night

2009-08-17T20:52:00.004+08:00

After a day long busy for her convocation on last Saturday, finally we came to this Shah's Village Hotel where she booked with an intention of a more comfortable experience for her family members, especially her parents.

It is located at the center of Petaling Jaya near MBPJ building and next to Amcorp Mall. Although it is actually so near, I never noticed this small building's existence until i came here. From my guess, maybe it is rated 3 stars. Furnished with antiques from various cultures, fascinating lighting and calming environment, I know that was the night I have to throw away all my worries and stress to enjoy the night with her.

The compound is not large and to our disappointment, we could not enjoy the coldness of the swimming pool because it was already beyond 10 pm and the pool was just chlorinated. Straying around the pool and looking at the dark sky, we talked heartily as we could hardly get a chance like this, without disturbances. And that night as well, I slept before 12am which I haven't been trying for many years I think.

The next day, we had buffet breakfast over there, simple but delicious breakfast, especially the Choco Crunch and Honey Star dunk in milk, the memory of childhood, yummy!!

Of being a doctor.

2009-08-12T01:17:00.004+08:00

When we are getting busier with the daily routine we have as a final year medical student, clerking patients, attending classes, observing procedures, and studying, we tend to forget the true meaning of why we are doing all these things, as we only rushed to get our things done quickly so that we can have rest and enjoy ourselves.

Today i went medical on call with another 2 Malay girls to Accident and Emergency Depatment, one of them left earlier. When i thought this would just like other boring on call sessions, i met something different. 1 young Indonesian male was fell down from 2nd floors at a construction site injured his head and spinal cord and he became paralyzed. Therefore his was diagnosed to have spinal cord injury in shock. After giving oxygen and resuscitation fluids to him, his conditions stabilized. He was also given high dose methylprednisolone to improve his motor (movement) and sensation functions. His conditions was stable and there was a laceration at the scalp.

Next to this cubicle, there admitted a middle aged Chinese male with history of ischaemic hear disease came in because of alleged commit suicide by drinking thinner, an organic solvent, meanwhile having a sudden heart attack. He was sent in by his family and he complained of severe chest pain during admission. Morphine (a pain killer) was given to him and his pain gradually relieved and he became calm. After giving him resuscitation and sucked out fluids that was accumulated in his lungs (as a result of thinner poisoning), he conditions went well for a while. Suddenly, he developed pulseless ventricular fibrillation (a heart's beat irregularity) which is a life threatening condition. I went to see if I could help to save him. He was given defibrillator shock wave and chest compression, and i also helped in doing chest compression. This was my first time doing chest compression on real person, i hoped with my strength, i can bring his life back, but after several cycles of shock and chest compression, he was pronounced death. Although this was the first time i saw patients death in front of me despite my help, i did not feel sad, perhaps this was the consequence that i have already expected, and he chose to end his life by committing suicide earlier.

Coming back to that Indonesian patient, i helped that Malay girl to continue suturing the laceration (tearing) at the scalp, this was also the first time i did suturing, quite satisfied with the sutures i made, neat, strong and safe. During my suturing, the family members of that Chinese man came into the Resuscitation Hall to see their loved one for the last time, suddenly heard of their crying, i felt so sorry of not being able to save him. No more i can do at that point of time, just continued to suture.

Yes i understand we are not God, once we try our best to save the patients life, we should not blame ourselves and no need to feel sorry. On the other hand, i helped another patient to get his scalp sutured, at least i was helping one person from being suffered continuously, and i was so satisfied with the piece of "suturing art".

Being a doctor is not just only accomplishing works and care for the patients, one must feel very interested in the his or her job before he or she can works it well. I think the biggest fun of being a doctor is when seeing the patient gets benefited from what the doctor gave. Although one of the patient died, i think i will learned from him so that the next one would be saved.

Today i found another reason for me to stay happy in this career.

I had a bad day

2009-07-22T22:00:00.004+08:00

Because of missed communication and misunderstanding, I made my lecturer waited for my group in the ward and in the end, i did not turn up, this was happened yesterday. The day before, i called her up and she replied as "see you in the ward tomorrow at 10.30am", and i perceived it as she wanted to meet me personally in the ward to fix a time for ward round. The next day, i went down to dermatology clinic at 9.30am and i thought i was able to meet her after my clinic and tutorial, as i thought she would be doing her ward round. After everything ended at 12.40pm, i went back to the ward and she wasn't there already. I called her and she was so angry with me and today she met my whole group, just to scold me alone in front of the others. Thanks to my group mates, they understand me.

Yea i admit it was my fault, i should have presented to her at 10.30am in the ward, or at least, i should call her from the clinic. I felt so sorry, nothing more i can do, just hoping that she will get well very very soon forgiving us. What can i hope more? Hope that lecturers can convey their message well next time.

The second incidence, made a ward round session with another lecturer at 10am, the whole group waited for him since 9am. It happened to be at the same time, another lecturer was doing ward round and he was willing to teach, so the whole group followed his round. When it came to around 10am, i kept going out from the cubicles to see if that lecturer came to the ward, but i never saw him until 10.20am, i called him, he said he would come soon, then i joined back the ward round, kept looking at the corridor. At 10.40am, a staff nurse came to us asking whether we had appointment with that lecturer and she said the lecturer was waiting outside the ward. Immediately we chased after him and all of us went up to ward 13U and he was there. When he attended to us, he scolded us because we were letting him waited for us since 10.10am, and his plan was spoiled because of us. Come on lecturer, i understand that your time is very precious, but if you were to look for somebody in the ward, will you just standing outside the ward and look for us through the windows?? If you were waiting since 10.10am, were you in 13U or outside 4U?

He said that this is the hierarchy of a medical profession, from consultant to lecturer to medical officer to house man to medical student(super senior) to 1st year medical student. Just like in army and police, the superior has to be harsh in order to train better staffs. Yes this is so true and i never question their experience and knowledge, but can the lecturers be reasonable a bit?? Perhaps it was my fault again, because i made them angry? Sometimes i really fade up of becoming a group "representative", feel so sorry whenever calling a lecturer because it might disturb their works, when the lecturer does not turn up at the time fixed, the group mates rely on me to call up the lecturer, as they could not wait more, which i think it's very troublesome for the lecturer as he or she might be on their way rushing to bring us a class. As a medical student, what we can do is just waiting, that's the lesson i learned today.

It's been a bad day for me, i have never been "orientated" like this since first few weeks i entered medical school. Truely bad, and the third incidence, which happened when i lost a bet at night. Haih today is really not my day..... cause i had a bad day!! Who can sing this song to me??

Another tiring week

2009-07-12T16:03:00.001+08:00

It's been a week for another new posting, which is Internal Medicine posting. For the whole week, I have been very busy with studies and ward works. I started off my Medicine posting by Haematology (blood) and Renal (kidney) postings which have a lot of patients to cover, relatively more compared to Endocrinology and Rheumatology group. For this week, my group and I have attended all the ward rounds, where the consultant, lecturers and the doctors in charge will go bed by bed to discuss the issues on all the patients. What are we there?? To me we were just walking sponges following the consultants and lecturers just to absorb whatever they discussed during the ward rounds, which may become very useful for us in the future to decide how to treat patients.

Besides ward rounds, we also had 3 teaching rounds with 3 different lecturers, which made our schedule even more packed and we had to cover the old and new admissions whenever there is general rounds and teaching rounds. Not to forget about the night on-call, which is also a burden for us, luckily I have had 1 on the Monday, and thus no more rotation for me at least for the rest of the week. Hmm… not too bad, what made the conditions even worse is that this is the first week of orientation for our beloved freshies or first year juniors who just came to join my course started 2 weeks ago. To welcome them, we have special ways in making them a better juniors or doctors. For each session of orientation, all of my final year batch mates will have to come down to meet them and all of us had to spend a few hours in talking and playing with them, scarifying our study time. This had caused me to have severe sleep deprivation which I manifested during ward rounds, yawning non-stop!! So torturing and embarrassing……

“If you can’t withstand the stress of orientation, then you will never be able to withstand the stress of becoming a doctor!” this is the statement that I always tell my juniors where I got it from my seniors. It is so true, the stress of a doctor is much more than a stress that a freshie can meet during orientation, which I gradually can experience as more responsibilities are put upon me as a doctor to be in not a very long period. My stress is not only from the study and works, but also from the stress of sleep deprivation, which is even more severe during this orientation week. So tired, so stressed and so not simple of becoming a super senior......

I am back!!

2009-06-22T21:25:00.008+08:00

Today is my first day doing OMHS (Organizational Management of Health Services) at Klang, a short posting to expose us how the health service in Malaysia is managed, and to prepare us for the future when we become the people who will manage the health services. To us, this is just a very precious posting for us, more to relax but of course to some lesser extent, to learn. Ahha!!

Klang, is a place where i stayed here for a year when i started to do clinical year 2 years ago. It was such a memorable place for me, i still remember when i was leaving this place at the very last day of my stay here about a year ago, i thought that i will no longer come back to this place again, but today, i am stepping onto this land once again...

The picture that i took a year ago during the last day of my 1-year-stay here.

Coming back to the same place while my other course mates going some places further away for the same project, my first feeling was SIEN, or boring... because i think i had explored this place much enough during my 1-year-stay here and i could not think of any places that we can have fun. Certainly on the other hand, i am quite missing the food here, especially the Bak-kut-teh, had it during the dinner and so grateful, the taste was not changed so much, although my other friends were complaining the quality had deteriorated.

The hostel that we are currently staying now is actually the same hostel that i stayed before, the only different is the facilities had improved a lot!! The television in TV room become a LCD TV, got TV in the dining hall which i did not have it during my stay, and most importantly there are free WIFI everywhere in the hostel!! All were upgraded after my batch left this place. Haih, not of our luck, but i am also quite lucky to come back here again to enjoy what my juniors are enjoying. I think it maybe because of too much complains we made during my batch's stay here, so action had been taken and the resultant is now enjoyed by our juniors. Hope they really cherish with what they are given la...

Actually i loved and missed this place quite a lot, and i was quite happy when i knew i am to come back here again for a short stay for 1 week. The enjoyment can be found everywhere, i need not to rely on my course mates to have fun over here, i am pretty sure i can enjoy my works here to the fullest while listen to the noise created by the crow.. lolz!! And tonight, i am not quite sure what to do besides facing my laptop, and i have to squeeze with another 2 friends in a double room...!!!

A year later... for OMHS! The U in Perubatan was dropped already.

我没有错

2009-06-17T20:20:00.004+08:00

闷在心里一整天了，我想说“我没有错“。心很痛，对着电脑，我只想来到这里乱写一通。不想讲话，只有这首歌了解我。

我的天使

2009-06-07T16:55:00.006+08:00

我知道我不是最好的那个
但是我会努力做妳心目中想要的那个
一心只想要妳快乐
不知不觉伤害了妳的时刻
我只希望能尽快地不记得

请原谅我的自大和不成熟
毕竟我还是个大学生
想尽兴的玩就只有那几个月剩
害怕负起那些责任
可我相信终有一天会成个大男人

在心底深处依然是个大小孩
渴望别人的关注，谅解和呵护
如果我是个基督徒
我会请上帝为我安排一个看护
好让我不再那么的糊涂

爱你的人就像是你的天使
爱你为你付出不计较何时
等待中上帝为我安排的天使
原来一直在我的身边，说着我们的故事
而妳就是我一直要感激的天使
爱我和我爱的天使

Hopless.....

2009-06-07T13:58:00.006+08:00

One of my course mate asked me, "why became so silent and isolated from the people?" I guess, he must have observed me for quite some times.

This did not happen just in a few days or few weeks, in fact i have chosen to do so in a few months or years back, when i realized there are people out there that i could not put in anymore hope.

Long ago read an article about the coldness and unconcern of the people in this big city that i staying in, and how people were detached from each other. I thought, it was understandable that every people has to rush and struggle for their survival in this very competitive city, and lots of crime that trying to steal people's heart away, that time i was truly grateful that i was still staying within a small campus, or college with my cute course mate, when i thought i was still under protection.

As years pass through, i realized this was not like what i imagined of, this small little society that i staying in is actually a shadow of what the real world is. As people know myself more, and i know people more. Sometimes i doubt, is it that i am too generous to be fooled on? Or i am too silent that i would not reply?

Today i sat with him on the same dining table, this person was once regarded as a very caring and friend of mine, he is quite popular among the course mate, he is smart and he knows how to make joke. Today he made a joke of mine, which was quite an offensive joke, for several times. I did not know how to reply, i just remained smile and try to say something else to distract him, he kept saying the same thing. My heart bleed, and i know i could not cry and i did not have to cry as well. This was not the first time he did the same thing to me, i wanted to tell him that i am not happy, i hoped for his understanding, but i was disappointed. At some point of time, i suspected that he purposely wanted to humiliate me, because i am slow, and silent. I know, this is the person that i no longer should put anymore hope into.

Some people talk with wisdom, and make people gain happiness and knowledge.
Some people talk with fun, and make people laugh.
Some people talk with intention, as they seek for popularity but they do not know, their words might hurt.
Some people talk carefully, as they do not want to offend and get offended.
Some people do not like to talk, as they do not care what other people say about them, because they never get involved in any of the affairs.

These are what i observed among my course mates, basically i can get along with all kind of people, but starting from today, i know i must be very careful and avoid myself to the 3rd kind of people. I always have a mind that i should cherish every single person in my life, including this person. I will forgive him, i try, but on the other hand, i will also try to stay away from him, or danger, i do not want to get hurt. I always try my best to be kind to everyone so that i can avoid myself from being attacked, i never join in any kind of gossip and always try to stop people from gossiping. I would regard myself as the careful type, but was that what i deserve?? Why should i suffer from what that person said?? At least from now, i know how to protect myself.

When patients call me doctor.....

2009-05-25T22:55:00.004+08:00

Meanwhile there are people say that I look rather young to my age, I realized there were increasing number of patients who call me "doctor" these few days, of course with my lab coat on.

"Good morning Dr.!", "Thank you Dr.!", these are the most frequently heard 1. Of course there were also patients or their family members asking for my opinion on the condition or the treatment.

"No no no I am not a Doctor (yet), I am still a medical student..."
"Oh I see... What year are you?"
"5th year"
"Oh final year already lar, then can call you Doctor already lo"
"zzzzz......"

This is the typical scenario that I believe most of the 5th year medical students would encounter. As the humble students produced from our noble university and orientation, I think all of us can manage this kind of situation quite well and thus not falling into a state of embarrassment.

Actually I have been called as Doctor also since I wan still in Klang 1 year earlier, of course also with the white coat on. But what is more interesting is, it was a trend of increasingly more patients calling me doctor these few days, and this was nearly negligible during half a year ago when I started doing my Phase 3B over UMMC in KL.

Maybe I do look older for the past half a year. Maybe the innocent smile that used to stick on my face all the time when seeing patients had lost. Maybe I started to develop the quality of a real doctor, which are serious tone and quick, that's why make me looked a bit professional... ahha! I think the quality that I gradually developed was largely due to the busy and tired lifestyle I am having now. I started to feel stressed, loss my smile, and have to finish covering up all the patients in a quick shot, ended up I looked very dull like a real doctor....

Not sure whether this is a good or a bad point of becoming a 5th year medical students. Not sure whether every doctor went through this stage of transition. So many uncertainties.....

But what I can sure is, when I treated the patients and their family members nicely, politely, I sure will get good response from them, which is "thank you, Doctor!!" Eventhough I was just taking history from them, and this is the part of being called doctor that I love so much!!

changing of new mobile phone number

2009-05-20T01:24:00.005+08:00

Today is a very historical day for me, as I changed my hand phone number. To me, a phone number is another identity of oneself, and my previous identity has been with me since the first day when I entered Matriculation, ie 5 years ago.

This is a sacrifice that I had to do in order to switch to another amazing plan of Maxis, Hotlink Youth Club, the cheapest and best prepaid plan I have ever encountered!! Have to get it while I am still a student, or a youth?? Although feeling happy with this brand new plan, but I am also feeling upset that I have to stop using my previous number, my previous identity.

Maybe it's a good start, people around me had changed, there were numbers within the ex-SIM card that I have not contacted for a couple of years. There were people that I wish to meet someday, that I will try to make sure they will not loss contact to me. And there were people who hurt me or hurt by me, and this is the time to forget them.

Goodbye to my old number, or my old identity!!!

美罗及安顺的美食

2009-05-12T01:29:00.006+08:00

走遍了全马的许多地方，吃了多处地方的美食，这次竟然在母亲节，回到家乡来的时候，吃了自己很久都没吃到的东西。感动了，所以想把那份感觉纪念下来。

美罗和安顺，是离我新村最近的两个市镇，它们也算是我成长的地方，因为办公，购物，上学（我的中学在美罗），都要在这两个地方进行。星期六那天，我和家人来到了安顺市靠近　SMK Convent　的隔壁，有一档很好吃的茶水档，虽然只用一个类似手推车的档口准备食物，但摆出来的枱枱蹬蹬却有二三十座那么多，可想象在人潮最旺的时候那种热闹，还有做不完的生意。这个当口虽然简陋，可是员工们都穿着他们得制服，多专业啊！每次来到这里，我都会叫亚三拉沙和刨冰。这次，哥哥也叫了一份驰名的安顺Rojak，多回味呀！

安顺Rojak。不好意识啊！要吃完了才想到要拍照，因为实在停不了口啊！

安顺Rojak，不是一般普通的水果Rojak，卖的也不是它的酱料，而是那特制的虾饼，和捞在一起的美味。里面有怡保大头牙菜，壅菜，青瓜，黄梨，沙葛，虾饼和花生碎。其实真正好吃的安顺Rojak，在安顺大巴刹附近有一个“罗也仔”吃得到，成份虽然一样，但味道好吃许多，至于为什么嘛．．．我也忘了，只是从记忆里想起的那种味道，可是卖到下午大概四点就会自动卖光了！

安顺还有其他非常出名的美食，就好像安顺猪肠粉，安顺香饼，还有在安顺河畔附近有一档卖包的，手工制的包点，边吃边喝“掺冰”边吹着和风，多滋味呀！其实真正想介绍的，是这个“燎记（夜市）加料猪肠粉”。跟外面猪肠粉不一样的是，这个猪肠粉没有浆料，也没有炸料，因为它最美味的味道，到包含在它的馅料里面了！滑溜溜的蒸猪肠粉条，里面配上了虾米和像咸菜的东西，咸咸的，但口感十分好，加上青辣椒，简直一级棒！而这种美味是别处猪肠粉非常不同的。老实说，外地人可能会很难找到这猪肠粉来吃，因为它在市区以外的花园区里的一间木屋，只在晚上开档到凌晨，可能可以问人吧？毕竟路在嘴边，只要有好吃的，一定要到，不是吗？

第二天，哥哥要出新加坡工作了！所以整家大小一起载他到美罗顺便吃了早餐才送他上巴士。我们去了美罗最出名的《品珍酒楼》吃早餐呢！虽然已经有很多年都没有光顾这家店了！它就坐落在美罗大街旁，有经过此大街就一定会见到。我点了这里最出名的“鸭腿面”，用鸭熬的药材汤加上爽口的细面，比一般的鸭面好吃许多！这酒楼也出名云吞面，芋头角，和最正宗的鸡仔饼和萨其马！

这就是大名鼎鼎的鸭腿面啦！

其实美罗最出名的食物莫过于二鸡一鸭。二鸡就是鸡仔饼和鸡屎果，所谓鸡屎果就是番石榴，因为以前人都是用鸡粪来种植番石榴的，故得此名。而一鸭就是鸭腿面。这三种食物都在那品珍酒楼里找到哦！要特别介绍的就是美罗本土鸡屎果，是无核番石榴哦！比一般的有核番石榴还要爽口好吃，连皮吃就更好吃呢！我爸爸在新村也有种，所以我要吃嘛。。。绝对不是问题呀！哈哈！

觉得自己是个会找东西吃的人。走了那么多的地方，回到来，才发觉从前曾经很熟悉，令自己感动过的味道依然在那里等待着，累了，回来享受属于自己地方的味道，才知道会是那么的回味无穷，身心也跟着放松下来了！朋友，你有多久没回去吃属于自己的味道呢？

Happy Belated Birthday to Chuah Chuan Huan

2009-05-05T00:50:00.004+08:00

This fellow, I would say he is 1 of my best friend I found in my life. He is nice, understandable, reliable, helpful and he never say no. Thanks so much to have him in my life. 3 May 2009 was his 23^rd birthday, we finally got a chance to celebrate it with him, although I need to do a little scarification in order to celebrate with him.

We 13 guys settled down at the New Paris Restaurant in SS2. We ordered 6 dishes and finished our meal in just less than half an hour, see how amazing it was!! Perhaps those dishes were too delicious?? Or we were too hungry?? Before the meal, we sang a birthday song to him and he had his small little chocolate brownie first.

Our dishes!! clockwise from the right top: stir fried kailan, stir fried mix vegetables with prawn, black pepper venison, Japanese tofu with mince pork, fried calamari.
Center: cheese pork ribs

After the meal, we sat for quite some times and did the “yam seng” (cheers) that we would normally have during such gathering in a Chinese restaurant. The celebration ended up with people going to night market while I came back to hostel.

After the April next year we would probably be graduated, and there is less and less time we will have chances to celebrate friends’ birthday, especially those friends’ birthdays after April. Therefore no matter how difficult it is, we must cherish every single time we have celebration or gathering, and make it a valuable, memorable or quality gathering. After graduate, the chance to gather all these good friends in any occasions will become so thin, that’s why we must cherish every single moment we have in this Faculty, a loving place, and this is always come to my mind whenever got birthday celebration or gathering. Hope our friendship will last forever!!

抽空

2009-04-30T01:57:00.004+08:00

今天学了一样很有意义的词，那就是“抽空”。

常常听人说，有空就一定会做这个，做那个，可是到真正有空的时候，那么多的事情做得完吗？
到真正有空的时候，还会记得原先答应要办的事情吗？
到真正有空的时候，还要管那么多事情吗？
到真正有空的时候，还是休息睡觉比较好？
到真正有空的时候，女朋友不是吵着要陪她吗？哪还有时间去做之前的事？
到真正有空的时候，是什么时候呢？
之前答应说要在到真正有空的时候才办的事情，什么时候才能做呢？

每每答应自己，要珍惜当下，所以当有事情要办的时候，就要立刻“抽空”去办了！
抽空去处理好这件事情，再抽空去处理那样事情，那么事情就很快解决了！
其实我们没有真正有空的时候，只有“抽空”的时候，而现在的我正在抽空，你也不是在抽空中吗？

My 23rd birthday at The Cave, SS2.

2009-04-17T01:27:00.007+08:00

Although it was a day earlier than my exact birthday, we celebrated it at the new coupling spot, The Cave, located at the SS2, Petaling Jaya, Malaysia. Before going that place, she told me that she was going to celebrate with me at a cafe that we always go, and so i wore a little cin-cai (or casual) and when she drove me there, to my surprise, we reached to this one of the famous cafe and restaurant at the center of SS2, The Cave!!!

Naming as "The Cave Couple Cafe & Restaurant" with a slogan of "Everyday is your Valentine's Day, your birthday place", this restaurant is definitely a lovely and surprising spot for dating. Each couple will be seated inside a "cave" and covered by curtain, providing the utmost privacy, and the waitress will only come after being called by customers. The interior design was so amazed that most of the furniture were seems made from the natural unprocessed materials. Together with most romantic classic love songs, dim light, and delicious cuisines, we had our wonderful night there and it took 2 hours for us to finish our dinner ahha!! It also provides free WIFI, so planning of enjoying the whole evening or night there during the next visit.

The route to more caves.

This was the privacy I meant.

The first served coffee.

Our orders... let me introduce them one by one...

Salmon chip with spinach meshed souce, i couldn't stop till the last drop of souce.... yummy!

The salty sushi pasta with garlic bun, taste different but very nice!!

Sushi salad.... the sushi were really tasty!! She said it was because of the olive oil, see how expert she is in food??

My birthday dinner was so sumptuous.... wow.... XD

The finale.... dessert, or also my birthday cake, without candle light. Anyway, i still made a wish in front of it before it was finished!! ahha!!

I was so relaxed and enjoyed......

The washroom... quite standard. :-)

The last piece of picture, at the corridor.... thanks and love her so much!!

Actually no matter where we go for my birthday dinner, it would still be a precious and memorable night and i am pretty sure that i would enjoy it to the most. But this time was really a bonus, where we found a place we will come again next time while exploring other fancy eating places. Thanks to her plan, and for my surprises, this would definitely be a unforgettable night, as i have already registered here. Ahha...

It was already almost 3am on my 23rd birthday. I am going to Sungai Lembing tonight, another cuti-cuti Malaysia..... after end of paediatric posting tests!

A salute to my seniors

2009-04-09T22:25:00.004+08:00

After 2 continuous nights of paediatric on-calls and extreme tiredness, I finally can relax myself sitting in front of my laptop, serving internet and listen to my favourite My FM. Though busy, i think a lot these few days, as my seniors got their final MBBS results this Monday and finally graduated from this faculty.

Of course i felt happy for them, as this must be the long-waited moment for them for the past 5 years and having struggled through the tough Final MBBS examination. But at the same time, I also felt a little bit of upset because another batch of seniors is leaving us again, meaning we are getting older and older!!! And another reason is, it is our time having the Final MBBS about the same time next year!!!

Suddenly think of the time my friends and I were being scolded by our super seniors and seniors, from 1st year to 2nd year to 3rd year to 4th year, it was just like happened at the speed of light. Few months before, I still called myself as "4th year" as my other friends do, especially when the lecturers ask us "what year are you? How come question like this also cannot answer?" And it seem to be protective from being scolded severely by lecturers. However in less than 2 weeks time, the new doctors are going to leave this faculty, leaving us behind as medical students, and we have to call ourselves as "5th year" or "final year" that time. And the reaction I would expect from my lecturers would be "You final year already ya? How come question like this also cannot answer? This is unforgivable!!!"

Ok ok. What to do? I am now in phase 3B, a 5th or final year student, a super senior. I am supposed to know this and that, how to diagnose this and that, the principle of management of this and that, in details!!! Also need to clerk patients, follow up patients, stay in the wards, on calls, and get chased away by staff nurses... This is the real life of a final year student, or in fact, it is just a preparation for the future housemanship. I believe this is not going to be a problem for me, because I can do what my seniors can do also what? My seniors are my role model, wish to experience the same happiness as they got their results that day.

It is time to live without seniors, 1 more year to go, MBBS, going to end very soon.

以前看super senior很威，现在才知道doctor senior才是真正的威！！

昨天清明节

2009-04-05T11:40:00.004+08:00

昨天是清明节，跟往年一样，哥哥姐姐都回到来扫墓了。只是一年比一年不同的是，又多一个姐姐嫁了，所以又少一个帮手了。没关系啦，我们一样过得很愉快。

人说“清明时节雨纷纷，路上行人欲断魂",可是今年特别热，搞到我们都被逼早一点出门了。拜拜的过程中，虽然没有很沉重的伤感，但依然有丝丝的怀念，清明节的意义依然还在。过程是怎样就不多说了，本来想拍些照片留念的，可是想到每一年都回去一次，所以不用紧啦！一年去一次是最低的底线了吧？况且不在那种地方拍照也是对先人的一个尊敬。

生活一年比一年忙碌，回家的次数也明显减少了，所以告诉自己，无论自己有多忙，一定要回到家去同庆，尤其是这种佳节，大家都回到来的时候，一定要回家。每逢佳节倍思亲，每一年的每一个节日都回去一次是最低的底线了吧？

The royal penis

2009-03-31T17:42:00.004+08:00

This was so shock to me when i saw this from the Sunday newspaper. The current prince of UK was captured peeing in the public and everyone in the net was discussing the size of his penis!!!

OMG... As a member of the royal family of UK, what was in his mind while peeing outdoor without any cover?? It was just an action of an animal that passes urine or motion anywhere it likes without any thinking. What more to say, his action definitely embarrassed his family, his nation and his people.

our dinner

2009-03-17T00:11:00.004+08:00

It was a cloudy Sunday evening on 15-3-09. On our way back from 1 Utama, we planned to go jogging at Amcorp Mall but however... it rained at the end. Haih.... so sien. Whatever it is, it was about the time to have dinner as well. Suddenly she thought of cooking spaghetti at her house, wow what a great idea. From LDP, we turned into Sprint highway and went Carrefour at the Tropicana City Mall to buy our materials. After a short while of shopping, we went back to her home.

She cooked a mushroom bolognise spaghetti and a bowl of seaweed soup. Hmmm.... so delicious and nutritious! So touching right when you have a home-made soup when you actually away from your mother for quite a period of time?? I love that taste of soup, and of course the spaghetti, so sweet, so pleasure. Hope she can cook more for me hahaha......

老马走了

2009-03-15T14:02:00.003+08:00

老马，是我在大二那年从四姐继承的老摩哆。今天，看着它离去，心里的伤感，虽然不足以令我掉眼泪，可是不舍的心情也只有我自己了解了！

生病时，只能骑着它到klinik pelajar去，快去快回，不需要依靠别人。
有紧急时要办时，只有它能带我到那地方去，间中又可以享受一个人的时间。
当它突然爆胎时，我把它推到摩哆店里修理，虽然路上很尴尬，可是不管了，我只想它快点好，不要理别人的眼光。
在吧生的时候，虽然很少有机会带它出去，可是当我们在一起的时候，在那不大陌生但不很熟悉的地方，我能依靠的，就只有它了。
朋友有急事的时候，想到的也是老马，因为它不会说不，他们有时还会请它喝它喜欢的汽油。

老马走了，它去了哪里呢？我把它让给了我的二姐，因为她比我更需要老马。虽然会再见面，可是应该没有很多机会坐在它的身上了！谢谢你，老马，我会想念你的。

别再为他流泪

2009-03-09T16:38:00.007+08:00

这个女生，已经认识了她很久一下了。平时只是见面讲讲笑，今天，我终于有机会听到她的故事了。

最近她交了一个男友，大概是因为喜欢他的理想吧？这女生总爱有事业心的男生。更重要的是，这男生是她的学长，他照顾了她许久，而且还是在同一个地方工作。他对她许的山盟海誓，她依然记得，而且还期望它们会实现。可是才一个月的时间，这一切都变得不清不楚了。

他总爱把忙碌作为借口，把她的约会都推辞了！他说不喜欢打电话谈天，因为怕辐射，所以他们只用信息联络。甚至连她一天一信息的要求，他也办不到。女生以为自己不应该去烦忙碌的男友，所以也忍下来了！有一次，他竟然还把约会给忘了，女生依然在忍。

从开始到现在，也只有一个月的时间，女生在想自己是不是看错了人，是不是不应该再对这样的男生有任何的期望，也在思考为什么这个男生对他不理不睬。她想放弃，可是却不想做分手的开场白，她在等他的提出，又或者，她想让他有个解释的机会。男生啊男生，你什么时候能回应她呢？她说理性的她，会慢慢的把自己的感情抽离出来，所以或许等到他回应的那一天，她已经不再爱他了！我想长痛不如短痛，这样也许是一个很好的方式来放弃这个男生。

身为事业心重的男生，我想这个男生也处理得太不妥当了，所以当时就立刻送了她几首歌，让他去想清楚自己要怎么做。那些歌是梁静茹的《别再为他流泪》，周杰伦的《说好的幸福呢？》，老歌《爱上一个不回家的人》和《梦醒时分》。那个时候的她，已经在想要怎样让他对自己提出分手了。

既然不曾幸福过，又何必寄望未来呢？我想我的劝告是对的，因为我知道，还有更好的男生在等着她。

How to be a good doctor??

2009-03-01T19:10:00.004+08:00

It is raining now, no outdoor activities, and i am still waiting for my girl friend and her housemate going out for dinner, so hungry!!! Not knowing of the reason, i am staring at this monitor and started to write something quite special that i met today.

I went to 5th Paediatric Ward earlier on. As tomorrow will be a ward round with Dr. Shanti, thus we have to cover all the patients available in the ward as she might want to know all the patients there. To my surprise, all the patients at the beds allocated to me were old cases, which meant i need not to clerk new history today, as i have already known them as they admitted. After seeing the progression of the patients from the case notes, it was still quite early. Then i decided to go to talk to the mother of a sick child which i think was quite an interesting case.

The patient was a 11 years old Chinese girl newly diagnosed with systemic lupus erythemathous 4 months ago. This is an autoimmune disorder that might affect many other organs in our body by the antibodies of self-produced. She had few episodes of fits before the admission and then referred here. On the day 1 and 2 of the admission, she looked so tired that she could not speak or moving her body, as the fits attack was quite frequent. After started her on anti-epileptic, her conditions improved and she seems cheerful and able to talk, but slurred. She was diagnosed to have cerebral lupus with brain atrophy after a brain MRI.

The mother was the person that i talked to during their first few hours in the ward. Initially she was not keen to be interviewed by anybody but after my explanation, she agreed and i took the history and did some simple physical examination. She has been staying in the ward since the first day taking care of her daughter and in fact, she has lots of thoughts and opinions of the care given by the doctors, and she started to share them with me.

The patients expectation, is what often we worked as health care providers might neglect. As the time is so restricted and lots of studies and other patients to be taken care of, we tend not to focus much on the psychosocial part of the patients. Whenever there is new admission, we (or other medical students or others...) tend to see what case is it and if it attracts attention, he or she might immediately go to the patients and ask for permission to interview the patient, and what happens next? The medical students get rejected from the patients. Honestly i have faced this scenario so many times that sometimes i might feel phobia of approaching patients and yet i still do not know what i should do to fix this. (Do i need to have a thicker face?? So that i won't be so embarrassed whenever rejected by patients. Actually i know this is a stupid thought, but i would rather consider the conditions and approach the patients when i have more than 70% of not rejected by the patients, maybe by luck or by chance, of course i did fail sometimes.) From the discussion suddenly i realized that actually almost all the patients are really willing to share their story no matter how sad they are with their illness, of course the patients must be fit enough to think and talk. The reason why they reject to be interviewed is mostly that they are still new to the environment and need to settle down their swinging mood after admission. Then the 2nd reason is that too many staffs interviewed them before and they become frustrated to be interviewed repeatedly. Thus, before we approach a patient, always observe for a suitable situation that favours the interview, and to ease the patients for the new environment. And also if possible, come back frequently to review the patients so that they can gain trust in us.

Also, to treat all the patients equally and never priorities one patient in front of another patient, unless in an emergency situation. Because of the time, again, we might rush the job of seeing patients according to the schedule, and the consequences are, we cannot assess the patient fully, not able to build up rapport with the patient, and the patient might feel they are of no importance. Therefore, always find a time to sit back and talk to the patients to understand their expectations and needs, as what always taught by primary care medicine.

Thanks to the patient's mother, now i can know how to do with my patients, and i enjoyed the feedback she given. I would say this was a share of thinking rather than a teaching, because we know it someway actually, it's just that, do we usually practise them as the time is so restricted and we are so busy?? I must say i will try, because this will render me to be a good and better doctor, as i always wish for.

a new journey of life

2009-02-24T23:01:00.003+08:00

As time goes by, i am now in my final year of medical study, phase 3B MBBS. The first posting i am currently joining is paediatric, or children specialty.

Hmm... actually no big deal, because i have already been exposed to paediatric before at Klang Hospital. Just that the way of working and studying here at UM change dramatically. Now we are so called "Junior Houseman" and have to do works in the ward most of the time. Clerking the patients, presenting the cases to the lecturers, and sometimes need to help out with taking care of the patients. And these served as the early exposure of what we are going to do when working as a "real" Houseman.

Increased workload, increased responsibility, increased study matters, increased stress, but reduced time for relax, time for doing personal matters. That's the real journey when working as a doctor. I hope i am able to cope, and wish to enjoy it to the fullest. "helping people is a gift", that's why i chose to do medicine.

08/09菩提之夜，佛曲分享与创作发表会 Malam Irama Bodhi PBUM 08/09

2009-02-13T01:16:00.005+08:00

今天去看了一年一度的菩提之夜。至今已经是第二年去看了，因为在2nd year的时候我是当歌手的，所以不算去看咯！今年的主题是“心的乐谱，法的音符”，很漂亮对吧？用心灵的乐谱，加上佛法的音符，谱出一段又一段动人的曲子，渗进每个人的心窝里，让每个人都能感受到法喜。

因为是以戏剧的方式来带出歌曲，所以选曲方面都特别谨慎，以把歌曲融入故事里，就因为这个理由，今年我只有贡献一首歌的歌曲而已，那就是《自给自足》，元翰写的词，要谢谢他让我为他那么美妙的词谱上歌曲，感恩这份缘。

《自给自足》

Verse

一生都在追求快乐的事

寻寻觅觅找了好久

吃喝玩乐有你作伴

这是不是快乐的事？

你喜欢我我也喜欢你

被人关心被人肯定

或许这是快乐的事

但这到底能持续多久？

Chorus

如果一天你不再爱我

如果一天你讨厌我

如果一天再没有人理会我

我是否还会快乐？

我的快乐不需要别人给

自给自足才是真正的快乐

我的心可以制造快乐

一步步慢慢地走

一呼一吸也可以很快乐

Ending

(活在当下才是真正的快乐

才是自给自足的快乐)

Bridge

不管外面的世界如何地改变

自给自足的快乐保持不变

我的心还是很快乐

我要做全世界最快乐的人

很有画面对吧？意即要我们做自己的主人，要活在当下，不要把快乐建立在别人的身上，那么快乐就很容易得到了。

个人觉得今年以戏剧带出歌曲的做法很新鲜，是一个很好的尝试，可以把佛曲生活化，让人更容易涉受和应用，当然要体验了才会更能了解歌词里的意思。歌手和乐手个个都能唱能演，把歌曲都演绎得还不赖。惟技术方面状况连连，应该吸取senior的经验来面对这些可以避免的事情。

大致上这一届还做到蛮成功的，当然我会认为我那届最棒，哈哈！突然觉得今年开始又有人才出现了，以后办活动的路应该会有好的因缘。期望明年的菩提之夜，马大佛学会继续精进!加油！

A visit to the Spastic Centre, PJ.

2009-01-08T23:48:00.004+08:00

Cerebral palsy (CP) is a group of disorders of posture and movement due to non-progressive defect in the developing brains of the infant. It is quite prevalent in Malaysia as it affecting 1 in 100 live births, as compared to 2 in 1000 live births in developed country. This disorder does not caused by genetic but in fact it could be due to many other causes. These children can still grow up like other children but unfortunately, they will be facing problems in the movement development, speech, taking care of themselves and sometimes, can become mentally retarded.

Thanks to the Spastic Children's Association of Selangor and Federal Territory, I have the chance to visit the CP children with good progression. This Spastic Centre is not an orphanage, but it is more likely a school. The CP patient i saw before were all staying in hospital who developed complications and had to be admitted, because they are not mobile and therefore become susceptible to develop complications like lung infection, contractures and bedsores. Thus this group of poor-progressive CP patient are somewhat more difficult and complicated than the group i visited this morning.

The children there in Spastic Centre are mobile, although some of them actually has to be dependent on wheel chair and walking aid, thus making them just as active as other normal child. Moreover, many of them are mentally normal and can study the normal school's syllabus, just that they maybe delay and sometimes become difficult in speech and expressing themselves. For those mentally retarded patient who still has good body movement, the centre also teach them to work vocational job and carrying out the basic activities of daily living. All these good achievements are owing to the compassionate and caring rehabilitative physiotherapists, paediatricians and staffs there.

Sadly to say, many people might still have stigmatization on those parents or children with CP, I was also felt sorry and sympathy to CP patient as well. CP is not a disease but it is just a disorder, the patient is still having feelings and thoughts, thus they should be approach normally added with some patience, as they can be slurred in speech and take times to understand and organize their words. Besides the patient, the parents of the child also are affected by this condition. Some parents might feel guilty of giving birth to "defective" children until they are in denial and therefore seek for complementary treatment leading to delayed treatment of the child. But the good thing is, once they are in this centre, the children will be properly taken care as to establish achievement and prevent complications of CP as told. Furthermore, the children here can get the chance to mix with friends and prepare themselves for the society. From what i observed, the parents staying in the centre with their children aslo obtain a 2 way physical and mental supports from the other parents, thus they will be less stressful in taking care of the children and enjoy the time spending with their children.

Well done, and thank you... Spastic Centre. Good luck to all the children!!

A long waited-movie

2009-01-08T00:59:00.004+08:00

It had been 2 months i never stepped into cinema since i last watched James Bond Quantum of Solace at GSC Mid Valley. This time was really lucky because my girlfriend and i went to Cathay Cineleisure Mutiara Damansara on this Wednesday night, where a ticket was only RM6!! However, we bought a couple seat which was only RM7 each person!! This was our first time on couple seat. Hmm... it's good because it gets people to get "a bit warmer", however the couple next to us was a little "horny"... ahaha...

Australia, one of the must-see production of this season stars by Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman, both also are my favourite stars. And the awesome director Baz Luhrmann, who directed the "Moulin Gogue"!

The synopsis... copied from 20th Century Fox (M) Sdn. Bhd.
"an English aristocrat (Kidman) who inherits a ranch the size of Maryland. When English cattle barons plot to take her land, she reluctantly joins forces with a rough-hewn cattle drover (Jackman) to drive 2000 head of cattle across hundreds of miles of the country’s most unforgiving land, only to still face the bombing of Darwin, Australia by the Japanese forces that had attacked Pearl Harbor only months earlier."

虽然电影有些长，大概2小时45分钟，但是电影并不显得沉闷和会让人觉得拖的感觉，反而故事会从一个场景赶快带到下一个，让故事赶快表达出来。时间都花在拍摄澳洲美景和浪漫的画面了！就连后面爆炸的场面也都拍得那么漂亮，实在赞叹！！其实这当中不只有美景，还有感人肺腑的时刻，尤其是那些分离又重逢，又再分离的画面，让人不禁感叹要“珍惜眼前人”啊！

实在是好片一部！！ahha..!

Heart attack

2009-01-05T00:30:00.003+08:00

It was a stabbing pain started suddenly at the central of the chest and not radiated elsewhere, associated with breathlessness, sadness but no palpitaion. The pain was aggravated by "something" and there were no relieving factors.... Diagnosis was...???

This was what happened to me when my little "not secretly kept" secret got broken, and i didn't know what i could do to relieve it, maybe i could make myself busy and think of something else, this is the only thing i can do so far...

It's ok. I still can cope, no investigation or treatment needed.

Let me introduce myself

2009-01-02T11:55:00.002+08:00

Hi, i am Willbur, a 22-year-old university student currently studying at University of Malaya, Kuala Lumpur Malaysia. I was chinese educated, so do forgive me for my poor vocabulary. Ahha...

To me, writing a blog is just like writing a diary. I used to write diary when i was a Form 4 student, when my Chinese teacher told the whole class to do so. Well... a diary records what a person does, memory, thought and feeling in that particular day. When looking back to old diaries, i found that i really grown up and recall those tender moments, and this is the what i love diary and blog the most. However, as life gets older and busier, i think most of us aged 20 and above will not have much time writing a "daily" diary. So this might serve as a replacement for that. Haha...

Everyone's life will end no matter how. As science developed and heads people to a more convinient life, we still cannot predict when is our death, as what is taught in all religions. Therefore we must live to the greatest, be a good person and cherish very single moment in our life. And if possible, record it. Everyone will become a history, and your story might or might not be known to others, unless you are a great historical person or the opposite, a bad guy. Hmm... i really hopes that my story to be shared, with this i chose to have my first ever blog in this new year 2009, when i am still 22 years old.. ahha! So that i can be the author of my own story!

Friendship, needs understanding. Sorry to say, i am a person who does not know how to express myself in speech. Thus i really hopes that people will understand me more through this, and friendship needs sharing also what??? So, if you are reading this, you are my friend. Thank you!!
Happy New Year 2009!!

9 in Mandarin = long time, forever!!