Of being a doctor.

When we are getting busier with the daily routine we have as a final year medical student, clerking patients, attending classes, observing procedures, and studying, we tend to forget the true meaning of why we are doing all these things, as we only rushed to get our things done quickly so that we can have rest and enjoy ourselves.

Today i went medical on call with another 2 Malay girls to Accident and Emergency Depatment, one of them left earlier. When i thought this would just like other boring on call sessions, i met something different. 1 young Indonesian male was fell down from 2nd floors at a construction site injured his head and spinal cord and he became paralyzed. Therefore his was diagnosed to have spinal cord injury in shock. After giving oxygen and resuscitation fluids to him, his conditions stabilized. He was also given high dose methylprednisolone to improve his motor (movement) and sensation functions. His conditions was stable and there was a laceration at the scalp.

Next to this cubicle, there admitted a middle aged Chinese male with history of ischaemic hear disease came in because of alleged commit suicide by drinking thinner, an organic solvent, meanwhile having a sudden heart attack. He was sent in by his family and he complained of severe chest pain during admission. Morphine (a pain killer) was given to him and his pain gradually relieved and he became calm. After giving him resuscitation and sucked out fluids that was accumulated in his lungs (as a result of thinner poisoning), he conditions went well for a while. Suddenly, he developed pulseless ventricular fibrillation (a heart's beat irregularity) which is a life threatening condition. I went to see if I could help to save him. He was given defibrillator shock wave and chest compression, and i also helped in doing chest compression. This was my first time doing chest compression on real person, i hoped with my strength, i can bring his life back, but after several cycles of shock and chest compression, he was pronounced death. Although this was the first time i saw patients death in front of me despite my help, i did not feel sad, perhaps this was the consequence that i have already expected, and he chose to end his life by committing suicide earlier.

Coming back to that Indonesian patient, i helped that Malay girl to continue suturing the laceration (tearing) at the scalp, this was also the first time i did suturing, quite satisfied with the sutures i made, neat, strong and safe. During my suturing, the family members of that Chinese man came into the Resuscitation Hall to see their loved one for the last time, suddenly heard of their crying, i felt so sorry of not being able to save him. No more i can do at that point of time, just continued to suture.

Yes i understand we are not God, once we try our best to save the patients life, we should not blame ourselves and no need to feel sorry. On the other hand, i helped another patient to get his scalp sutured, at least i was helping one person from being suffered continuously, and i was so satisfied with the piece of "suturing art".

Being a doctor is not just only accomplishing works and care for the patients, one must feel very interested in the his or her job before he or she can works it well. I think the biggest fun of being a doctor is when seeing the patient gets benefited from what the doctor gave. Although one of the patient died, i think i will learned from him so that the next one would be saved.

Today i found another reason for me to stay happy in this career.