Hopless.....

One of my course mate asked me, "why became so silent and isolated from the people?" I guess, he must have observed me for quite some times.

This did not happen just in a few days or few weeks, in fact i have chosen to do so in a few months or years back, when i realized there are people out there that i could not put in anymore hope.

Long ago read an article about the coldness and unconcern of the people in this big city that i staying in, and how people were detached from each other. I thought, it was understandable that every people has to rush and struggle for their survival in this very competitive city, and lots of crime that trying to steal people's heart away, that time i was truly grateful that i was still staying within a small campus, or college with my cute course mate, when i thought i was still under protection.

As years pass through, i realized this was not like what i imagined of, this small little society that i staying in is actually a shadow of what the real world is. As people know myself more, and i know people more. Sometimes i doubt, is it that i am too generous to be fooled on? Or i am too silent that i would not reply?

Today i sat with him on the same dining table, this person was once regarded as a very caring and friend of mine, he is quite popular among the course mate, he is smart and he knows how to make joke. Today he made a joke of mine, which was quite an offensive joke, for several times. I did not know how to reply, i just remained smile and try to say something else to distract him, he kept saying the same thing. My heart bleed, and i know i could not cry and i did not have to cry as well. This was not the first time he did the same thing to me, i wanted to tell him that i am not happy, i hoped for his understanding, but i was disappointed. At some point of time, i suspected that he purposely wanted to humiliate me, because i am slow, and silent. I know, this is the person that i no longer should put anymore hope into.

Some people talk with wisdom, and make people gain happiness and knowledge.
Some people talk with fun, and make people laugh.
Some people talk with intention, as they seek for popularity but they do not know, their words might hurt.
Some people talk carefully, as they do not want to offend and get offended.
Some people do not like to talk, as they do not care what other people say about them, because they never get involved in any of the affairs.

These are what i observed among my course mates, basically i can get along with all kind of people, but starting from today, i know i must be very careful and avoid myself to the 3rd kind of people. I always have a mind that i should cherish every single person in my life, including this person. I will forgive him, i try, but on the other hand, i will also try to stay away from him, or danger, i do not want to get hurt. I always try my best to be kind to everyone so that i can avoid myself from being attacked, i never join in any kind of gossip and always try to stop people from gossiping. I would regard myself as the careful type, but was that what i deserve?? Why should i suffer from what that person said?? At least from now, i know how to protect myself.