Can't be too grandiose

So long haven't been feeling depressed after finished examination. Today I just finished my psychiatric video test, hence my psychiatry posting is officially over. Whenever examination is over, normally people will respond it with a cheerful feeling because another examination is over, so do I, however, this time I really couldn't enjoy the cheerfulness, because I was so depressed.

Accoding to my coursemates who did psychiatric before, this is an easy subject and patients are easily manageable, and the examinations questions were always expected and very easy to answer, most importantly, many people could score A from this examination. I trust in it, as I also think this is not a though subject, and I expected myself to score A also, so long did not score A in any tests, as I am an average student.

After the written and the video tests, my mood dropped down so drastically, I even lost my temper (mildly), why they can asked so difficult questions and tricked us in the questions?? And for the video test, the patient was mumbling all over saying Malay that I could hardly understand, even my Malay colleagues also found it difficult to listen what she spoke. And she did not show signs of that particular diagnosis, which was mania. At the end, I diagnosed wrongly, and many of my friends did mention that it was again a though one and had different ideas about the diagnosis. Whatever it is, I had done my best and on few occasions, I was still blaming myself for not doing it as good as others who could diagnose it correctly.

I think I will no longer get A for this examination, will be very grateful if I can pass. I was so depressed, my mission was failed. Went out with her and 1 of my best friend, Min Min, and shared my sadness with them. Suddenly Min Min said "maybe you expected too much?" （你把目标放得太高了吧？）suddenly, I realized, it was me made myself suffered so much, I shouldn't compared myself to others who usually did well in all sorts of examinations, I can't be too grandiose! (grandiosity= inflated self esteem) When thinking from the other aspects, I did not put more efforts than usual to enable myself to score A, I just got prepared as little as I prepared for the other previous examinations. Do I deserve an A if I did not put enough in it?? I shouldn't have so stubborn （执着）, I should understand my level and if I wanted to achieve something, I should have planned better and even put more effort in it.

Thanks to her and Min Min. Hope my experience will not drag into next time and this can serve as a guidance for you in facing your similar problems. Sometimes people just can't be too grandiose, if not, you will suffer like a patient with bipolar mania!